Monday, March 29, 2010
I knew that going back to school would be challenging but I didn't realize how much it would consume me. I felt like I was crazy at times. For an entire month I cried every evening before being able to start my statistics homework. I was trapped by own feelings of incompetence and fear. Tears were my release - they washed away my stressors and gave me the strength that I needed to work.
When I was involved in very emotional work, my anxieties revealed themselves in my dreams. I had extremely violent dreams. They were the kind of dreams that I will never ever forget. They still linger in my thoughts. I am certain that even Rob Zombie could not have written a screenplay as disturbing as the visions that haunted me.
Now, other than completing my exit portfolio, I have finished my graduate work. I feel as though I am reborn. I don't know what I want to do with my life or where I will end up in five years. Who really wants to know? For the first time, I feel like anything is possible, I am inspired to take risks, and I am excited about the unknown. The confidence and peace that I feel have made the past three years of sacrifice and struggle worthwhile. I can breathe again and I finally have the time to take everything in.