In the past few nights I have dreamt that:
- I owned a mountain lion as a pet and was concerned that buying steaks would start to get expensive. I was feeding him steaks so he wouldn't eat my other pets. I was really anxious in this dream because I was afraid that I couldn't protect my dog from being eaten by my mountain lion.
- Someone introduced me to a friend who she thought would make a good mentor. When I met the guy, he told me that I had interviewed him months ago and never got back to him. I couldn't remember who he was so he showed me a photo album. It turns out, that he was friends with my dad when he was alive. When I am stressed and overwhelmed, I become forgetful. It's really bad when you forget things in your dreams.
- My three friends from high school came to visit me for a holiday. We hadn't seen each other in a while and I was really looking forward to it. One of them felt guilty for spending the holiday with friends instead of family. I encouraged her to do what she felt was right and I could tell she was conflicted. I knew that she did not feel comfortable being at my house. I knew that she needed to leave so I began helping her pack and then she shared this gem that still lingers in my thoughts:
"I'm changing being here."
I am becoming a different person in my current situation. I am not the same person I was four years ago or ten years ago. Places and life circumstances change us. They add layers of experience to our minds and spirits. I believe that they will keep piling up until we take our last breath. It's life. It is forever changing as we are forever changing.
Now, the questions I have been asking myself are: "Am I changing for the better or for the worse?" and "Is being here (this place in my life) good for me?"
If yes, awesome. If not, I need to do something. I need to re-focus and re-center myself in Christ. When I do, He gives me the strength that I need to open myself to endless possibilities.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.
Psalm 143: 9