tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76593404713255261682024-02-07T01:02:11.453-05:00Awakenings and ReflectionsJaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.comBlogger167125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-62131265352671975922014-09-11T00:15:00.000-04:002014-09-11T00:15:04.524-04:00Photography HealingPhotography helps me refocus myself. It's very healing. This has been especially helpful since I'm still mourning Floyd's loss.<br />
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"In photography there is a reality so subtle that it becomes more real than reality." </div>
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- Alfred Stieglitz</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgla-L9oIc-gK581sQzQF-U8CW-6-ke5w5mnLcTtCBtIAsk8Y1Ie_ItDr2wdMz_eSBysSzDdV8t2CeTA_rIqqas5gGQgmDr2o2ztXq9bAtjRiCdzkb0l8O6vgdGkeMkkyF40cZJLPMg_U4/s1600/seahorse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgla-L9oIc-gK581sQzQF-U8CW-6-ke5w5mnLcTtCBtIAsk8Y1Ie_ItDr2wdMz_eSBysSzDdV8t2CeTA_rIqqas5gGQgmDr2o2ztXq9bAtjRiCdzkb0l8O6vgdGkeMkkyF40cZJLPMg_U4/s1600/seahorse.jpg" height="400" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">sea horse</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhttymnkacfPVeB69ln7vaMCNn4fmVg-_8wI24cmeZ0recv8peNjIe33QuCvT5MM_2IvOe-Nk2qNBZrwiLzsVpZ7vByH8PDVFAmy8cKhi8vny1SfPNLqirsqNzhLKgUYadpmI-W5PvC0u0/s1600/beach+shoes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhttymnkacfPVeB69ln7vaMCNn4fmVg-_8wI24cmeZ0recv8peNjIe33QuCvT5MM_2IvOe-Nk2qNBZrwiLzsVpZ7vByH8PDVFAmy8cKhi8vny1SfPNLqirsqNzhLKgUYadpmI-W5PvC0u0/s1600/beach+shoes.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">beach shoes</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">hanging lanterns</td></tr>
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Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-56808997375904487272014-08-28T22:12:00.000-04:002014-08-29T06:54:13.374-04:00There's a Hole in My SoulThere's a hole in my soul. It's because he is gone.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg979RFOvtXmhdTKDWJ8hNoSbvGJWB1n-ixNDhFDNYQ262xMv8jpOHJPF49lS4Jwd3JNOqJkzE9gSfNdZEXZAYCz5VpRvGza7wHvBmp7rCWpv1I7bIEGcCozyP9iFuiHuRWgtccsR7mr2Y/s1600/floyd3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg979RFOvtXmhdTKDWJ8hNoSbvGJWB1n-ixNDhFDNYQ262xMv8jpOHJPF49lS4Jwd3JNOqJkzE9gSfNdZEXZAYCz5VpRvGza7wHvBmp7rCWpv1I7bIEGcCozyP9iFuiHuRWgtccsR7mr2Y/s1600/floyd3.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Floyd in his cool camper, enjoying a Malibu breeze.</td></tr>
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Floyd died on August 26, 2014. He was 17 years old.<br />
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It was the most difficult decision of my life. It was horrible. The day before he was put to sleep, I cried like I never cried before. Once we made the decision, I walked through my office with sunglasses on, made it to my car and sobbed. Really sobbed. That night, I came home and cried some more. Every time I looked at Floyd, I knew it would be the last time. His last dinner. His last bedtime snack. His last . . .<br />
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Tuesday morning was surreal. My husband woke up before me. He cleaned out the truck. Made Floyd a bed in the back seat. Punched the directions to the animal shelter into the GPS. And put the shovel in the bed of the truck.<br />
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I took Floyd out for his last morning potty. He ate his last egg for breakfast.<br />
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Then, we got into the truck for the ride to his resting place. He was born in St. Augustine and he would die in St. Augustine.<br />
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We discussed different options. I looked into in-home euthanasia but it just didn't feel right. This isn't Floyd's home - we've only been here for 8 months. So, we decided to do it in our truck. The truck that has been a part of Floyd's life for the last 12 years. The truck that he took on many adventures. The truck that felt like home.<br />
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The 90 minute ride went okay. I fed Floyd leftover salmon from the night before. I figured that his last meal should be a good one. For a brief time, he became really anxious. It was bad. It was an acknowledgment from God that it was time. I tried to comfort him. After a while, he became relaxed. He rested his head on his Winnie the Pooh bear.<br />
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Then, we arrived. I felt like I would vomit. My husband could not go inside without stopping to compose himself. That moment was awful. <br />
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They don't usually euthanize dogs in vehicles. They made an exception after my tear-filled call and my husband's pleading. The two ladies who did it were very compassionate. One of them actually crawled into the front seat of the truck in order to hold Floyd. It took about 15 seconds for the sedative to start working. He became very sleepy and just let go into my husband's arms.<br />
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We kissed him and told him how much we love him. I kissed his ears for the last time.<br />
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When the ladies came back to administer the last shot, I couldn't watch. I was afraid that Floyd would cry. So, I walked away. I didn't hear any cries. I turned around and saw the anguish on my husband's face. It was pure sadness. He touched Floyd and looked into his eyes when he died. Floyd was not alone. He was loved up until the last breath. He is still loved.<br />
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We're not saying loved. We're saying love.<br />
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My husband dug Floyd's grave. He is buried at our friend's farmhouse. Horses watch over Floyd. He is buried with Winnie the Pooh and his toy puppy, Charlie. He is wrapped in blankets. There is a cross placed on his back. God is responsible for Floyd. Floyd is with Him. I know this. I feel this.<br />
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The space on the living room floor is empty. It's as empty as my heart. It's as empty as my soul. I don't know what to do with his leash. I don't know what to do with the rest of his toys or the cans of Pedigree that are still in the cabinet.<br />
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All I know is that I miss Floyd more than I ever could have imagined. I am grateful for the last 17 years but I also would do anything to kiss him again.<br />
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This sucks. It sucks really bad. There's a hole in my soul and I'm not sure if it will ever be filled again.<br />
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Goodbye, sweet Floyd.Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-13476399220623223092014-07-20T11:31:00.003-04:002014-07-20T11:31:56.685-04:00Thank Goodness for Mechanically-Inclined HusbandsI love that my husband is mechanically-inclined (i.e. Mr. Fix It). We were traveling on I-4 about to head into Orlando and our truck started acting funky. The power steering quit working, engine began over-heating and other stuff I don't understand.<br />
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My husband knew exactly what it was: some pulley thing that a belt attaches to. The plastic circular thing that is supposed to be part of the pulley had melted. We pulled into a Publix parking lot, my husband took out his toolbox and began figuring things out. Then, we called a cab to take us to an auto part store, paid $42 for the part, rode back to Publix, paid $24 for the taxi, installed the new pulley thing & put the belt back on. We were on our way home less than 30 minutes later. <br />
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He was sweaty, since it had been 95 degrees outside, had grease all over his hands and arms and somehow cut himself during the process so the grease was mixed with blood. I was so proud. I'm also thankful for a husband who knows things like this. I feel safe with him and know that we can get through anything. <br />
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This little detour reminded me of how important it is to be self-reliant and to know that you can pull through any challenge.Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-82121268031242677412014-07-17T19:50:00.000-04:002014-07-17T19:50:56.868-04:00Mind JunkI feel cluttered. I keep picturing that my mind is full of junk. Sort of like this:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRn2UMWFNLi-2_ICEI6WAaEq7xYiR28rbAwDKuMHwqeNNzOU4JbYEOAQk9FugW-QSTPjprY9Nsw420a_bdBjxUQs_fM49xznUhZOrKz8bWyTocjqS3LN_E3WrJz02YI2ssDJVL9Ri8CrU/s1600/mind+junk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRn2UMWFNLi-2_ICEI6WAaEq7xYiR28rbAwDKuMHwqeNNzOU4JbYEOAQk9FugW-QSTPjprY9Nsw420a_bdBjxUQs_fM49xznUhZOrKz8bWyTocjqS3LN_E3WrJz02YI2ssDJVL9Ri8CrU/s1600/mind+junk.jpg" height="400" width="298" /></a></div>
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In times like these, I think too much. Way too much. I think about discovering new places and traveling the country with my husband and writing every day and becoming my own boss. I wonder what it feels like to be so confident that I sing along with Tori Amos. The beautiful lyrics floating from my stomach to my heart, through my throat and onto my tongue.<br />
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I think about starting an LLC so that I am prepared for all of the entrepreneurship opportunities that are on my bucket list. I think about work. Not as much as I used to but I hope that I am making a difference. I am faced with many new challenges and quite a few of them are outside of my comfort zone. My leadership capacity is being tested and I'm finding that I have to make decisions in more direct and assertive ways than I ever have before. I surprise myself sometimes. Am I being direct or a bitch? I am unsure sometimes. <br />
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I stopped reading the bible and I have no idea why. I know that I need to start again but I haven't. I don't know why. Maybe it's the mind junk. I'm not sure but I am thinking that mind junk is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's an excuse. A rationalization. An out. A way to build a wall to keep me from myself. <br />
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Maybe.<br />
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Or, maybe the mind junk is a catalyst. A way to open myself to a an mysterious vulnerability that will at first break my heart and then restore it, little by little. Becoming new again. Becoming me again.<br />
Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-72194900633932932192014-06-29T20:49:00.000-04:002014-06-29T20:49:18.626-04:00Dog Years ReflectionsMy dog is almost 17 years old. He only has to make it five more weeks. If he does, he'll be considered to be 119 years old in Dog Years. <br />
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Floyd is pretty much blind. I think that he can see some things but I'm not sure what they are. We have to lead him inside from the backyard because he gets lost out there. He also runs into walls and furniture and stumbles over shoes if we forget and leave them in the middle of the floor. <br />
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He sleeps a lot. <span style="font-size: large;">A LOT</span>. He whines more than I like. It's not irritating - it just makes me sad. There are a few things that help him relax. His floor fan is his comfort zone. It's just a cheap $20 box fan and it runs 24 hours per day. He usually sleeps right in front of it. Sometimes, he sleeps so close to the fan that I'm afraid his tail will get stuck inside. The next saving grace is Sara McLachlan or Nora Jones or Adele - any soothing female voice will almost instantly relax him. We also give him Benadryl at night with a little snack - it really helps. <br />
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Even though Floyd is blind and losing equilibrium, he still <span style="font-size: large;">LOVES</span> to eat. He can't eat hard food or dog treats anymore so he gets extra meals. Floyd eats breakfast, dinner and a late night snack. If he cries a lot at night, I also give him a little bowl of milk (this usually does the trick). He will do anything for fish - he gets salmon and tuna for treats and I think that he's in heaven when he does. This morning, when my husband made breakfast, Floyd got his Sunday egg over medium.<br />
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Floyd's toy box sits on the living room floor and it is filled with memories. Winnie the Pooh, Scooby Doo, Eeyore, a cow that moos, a small puppy named Charlie and a chipmunk among other stuffed animals. He will sniff his toy box once in a while but no longer plays with his toys. They are patient with him ignoring them and understand that the older you get, the more you just wish to be left alone.<br />
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Only pet people can understand how much our pets mean to us. I was 20 years old when I adopted Floyd from the Humane Society. I paid $40 for a family member who I never imagined would be a part of my family 17 years later.<br />
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My husband and I talk about Floyd dying. I think it is a way to prepare ourselves for the inevitable. We are thankful that Floyd has had a wonderful life - he was loved and traveled and went on many adventures. I can't imagine my life without him. I know that death is a part of life but it's so difficult to accept. <br />
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Until it is his time to go, I will give Floyd as much loving as he can stand. I kiss him and tell him that I love him. I'll do whatever I can to keep him at peace - even if it means stocking up on canned salmon and buying a new fan if this one ever breaks. <br />
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Here's a photo of Floyd on vacation many years ago:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDacHBd3GGbiCro1jWRz7r7vUqMqaDyYhHnQ7l7C6R81YXAlpUOr5Gh3DVB3LW9dIcG-aU6wOOfoOqovviyXEjaAU4CXKLYOIqz6JMJvZCvSQWukYHwxCG72_0eSxdeHpJTUgH_Zk_uUw/s1600/floyd+boating.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDacHBd3GGbiCro1jWRz7r7vUqMqaDyYhHnQ7l7C6R81YXAlpUOr5Gh3DVB3LW9dIcG-aU6wOOfoOqovviyXEjaAU4CXKLYOIqz6JMJvZCvSQWukYHwxCG72_0eSxdeHpJTUgH_Zk_uUw/s1600/floyd+boating.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Floyd on his first boat. He loved it!</td></tr>
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And a recent one at home:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMCOGMaGkZxis18Nsbc_-K-95oMpnumo0Ii63ROZPotfpsR5w_g-2HNlB2Hix9TiDUnijtFhHtTYD9tYknC_jAzX1lkZxwOgNOVn7RO4uEw6M2P05MwpTqEK7IfllhrHm7qtmdSiXk_Bw/s1600/sleepy+butt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMCOGMaGkZxis18Nsbc_-K-95oMpnumo0Ii63ROZPotfpsR5w_g-2HNlB2Hix9TiDUnijtFhHtTYD9tYknC_jAzX1lkZxwOgNOVn7RO4uEw6M2P05MwpTqEK7IfllhrHm7qtmdSiXk_Bw/s1600/sleepy+butt.jpg" height="298" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Floyd sleeping in a new spot.</td></tr>
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<br />Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-54676920120872779602014-06-03T20:23:00.004-04:002014-06-03T20:24:58.385-04:00Twin Peaks ReflectionsOver the past couple of weeks, I've been slowly watching Twin Peaks episodes. Again. This show is amazing. It's weird and crazy and so very interesting. The writing is wonderful. It is full of emotion and intellect. David Lynch is raw. He is real. I don't always understand him and I love it. His work makes me. . . wonder. And think. And reflect. I'm reminded to enjoy the little things. Have you given yourself a present today?<br />
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<br />Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-75660376552613578742014-04-30T21:35:00.000-04:002014-04-30T21:35:28.484-04:00Funky RosesToday, I needed to immerse myself in creativity and music in order to find balance. After an hour or so and a few Blow Pops later, Funky Roses emerged.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDVYetisWaM0qYjEvuTehJUTOLKFBXcIQ7gW3C2v5m1r3dQoc2UmTBaJLymB4ayVZf2kIRm6s0qQF4hGI58cOn4LskhSNs9MIyM4IeX2N5eEZVORINvUXrVoXxMJylZIedAwP4JgCtWIs/s1600/roses.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDVYetisWaM0qYjEvuTehJUTOLKFBXcIQ7gW3C2v5m1r3dQoc2UmTBaJLymB4ayVZf2kIRm6s0qQF4hGI58cOn4LskhSNs9MIyM4IeX2N5eEZVORINvUXrVoXxMJylZIedAwP4JgCtWIs/s1600/roses.jpg" height="640" width="476" /></a></div>
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The perfect song to accompany my Funky Roses mood was "Don't Follow" by Alice in Chains. I love this song. It reminds me of the time in my life when I learned to let go. I was in college and had spent months grieving the loss of my dad. I was withdrawn and depressed. A friend encouraged me to go out with her and it ended up becoming an evening I will remember forever. <br />
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A group of us, sitting on the floor, drinking alcoholic beverages with our eyes closed moving to the music in our own unique ways. It was the first time in my life when I just let go of everything I had been holding on to. I felt free. I felt independent and connected. It was an amazing feeling.<br />
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Sometimes, I have to remind myself to let go and to embrace whatever emotion I'm feeling at the time. Even those feelings that are difficult and probably not be pretty. Most likely, they will be complex and messy - otherwise, I wouldn't need to remind myself.<br />
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When we do meditate and reflect on these types of feelings, interesting things can happen. We realize things about ourselves that are both scary and exciting. Hidden desires emerge and those things that are easy to bottle up bubble to the surface. We feel alive and activated. We can't ignore the complexities in life when we allow ourselves to delve into them. It's both horrible and beautiful at the same time. I love it. <br />
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Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-6373218832080693872014-04-20T09:41:00.001-04:002014-04-20T09:41:57.991-04:00Easter Reflections<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Just as the Son of
Man did not come to be served, but to serve, <br />
and to give his life as a ransom for many.</div>
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<em>Matthew 20: 28</em></div>
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It's easy not to get caught up in the commercialism of Easter when you don't have children. There are no Easter baskets or egg hunts or chocolate bunnies. There is space to meditate on the meaning of this day: sacrifice, love, pain and joy.<br />
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There is space to realize that I struggle with my Christianity. I struggle with keeping my connection with Jesus as the most important aspect of my life. It is a reminder that I must consciously and actively develop and nurture my relationship with Him. Little steps like reading scripture every day, praying with purpose and giving thanks for all of the blessings in my life.<br />
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Happy Easter!<br />
Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-40630580452644134772014-03-30T13:09:00.000-04:002014-03-30T13:13:14.474-04:00This and That and Bike WeekIt's an amazing Sunday afternoon here in central Florida. Beautiful. The weather is perfect - sunny, a blue sky, a small enough chill in the air that you can wear a groovy scarf and it rained yesterday so everything is extra green.<br />
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I started monitoring my food and exercise. It's not the D word that most women loathe - it's just eating healthier and being cognizant about exercising. I didn't stay within my goal twice this week but that's okay because it's only my first week. I'm using My Fitness Pal to track food and exercise. I love this because it's easy and it's free. It just takes planning and I love the kind of awareness that comes with really looking at the nutritional content of foods.<br />
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I can't believe that tonight is the season finale of the Walking Dead. This is the first season that I've watched in real time because I hadn't had cable in so long. Thank goodness for TV on DVD and season marathons. I really hope that none of the main characters die off. Especially Daryl.<br />
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I slept in this morning. Really slept in. I've only been awake for an hour and it's 12:41 p.m. My day includes lots of cleaning, a walk around a lake, 30 minutes on my stationary bike and giving my dog a bath. I love cleaning and now that I know I burn 243 calories an hour, it's even better!<br />
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I am not participating in the A to Z Challenge this year. I had the past two years and really enjoyed it. I just don't have it in me this year. I am still adjusting to my new job and the move. My creativity has been off balance. I just started getting back into photography again after a few months. Writing is still on hold. Here are a few new photos from a spontaneous trip to Daytona Beach during Bike Week. I love Bike Week - if you're observant enough, you can see life and humanity and beauty all around you.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU2bApMekJlOOd30uWIn7dk4NdtcTgV48fst_knD_cJ1PocEsLBlLVitHWyt1jeOow6MSHf5wSr-nxMvbCUQD0TRtTUU1YHq6TvgmeVpQwad_eh_4rUFSZ8McIJzEo4e2-Gl0Hw1E4LVU/s1600/assertiveness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU2bApMekJlOOd30uWIn7dk4NdtcTgV48fst_knD_cJ1PocEsLBlLVitHWyt1jeOow6MSHf5wSr-nxMvbCUQD0TRtTUU1YHq6TvgmeVpQwad_eh_4rUFSZ8McIJzEo4e2-Gl0Hw1E4LVU/s1600/assertiveness.jpg" height="400" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">assertiveness</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSsCQbPyIaiqN4_bmjxo1ePhuPyQRA_Nh6HZ0jzXNI4G1NQiNqdUBfTeurlKmvTDc5PWx3CHKMXiQMCf6agpNMrBNRwrVYwVODABso0HqmIXxxky20l4y9_iX4-HtBkWRNfiXi_KLy5So/s1600/embrace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSsCQbPyIaiqN4_bmjxo1ePhuPyQRA_Nh6HZ0jzXNI4G1NQiNqdUBfTeurlKmvTDc5PWx3CHKMXiQMCf6agpNMrBNRwrVYwVODABso0HqmIXxxky20l4y9_iX4-HtBkWRNfiXi_KLy5So/s1600/embrace.jpg" height="298" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">embrace<br />
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</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSM5_u6HjB-6Ud3EevXmkxozSKnOTXg3uqhYRvzLJCGI-x6jEb68Xvj6-va23hsqUM8nqHbwQQazY9OG_ojtMSohzODhPAI2SK2nQl8TqvsC5BWBmk9hVV5T2D9bmF8HGocIM80-nYzUo/s1600/flames.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSM5_u6HjB-6Ud3EevXmkxozSKnOTXg3uqhYRvzLJCGI-x6jEb68Xvj6-va23hsqUM8nqHbwQQazY9OG_ojtMSohzODhPAI2SK2nQl8TqvsC5BWBmk9hVV5T2D9bmF8HGocIM80-nYzUo/s1600/flames.jpg" height="400" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">flames</td></tr>
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Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-18641179550153021292014-03-18T22:13:00.000-04:002014-03-18T22:26:54.357-04:00Remembering GrandpaMy grandpa died on March 3. His name was Gerald and he was 89 years old.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaJvQAMyrGu6LFP1tSMhsTJx6WwZFTr-iv8oJsnEobG54bftEcDVzKWdvZPkkJpyOSvAeHU9Vhyphenhyphenf76zGK4gLgAVSNsd_-BMnLjCSu5G_A9aGIthdC0xfSVLROi3NlrRT73O6BoQHzPnq0/s1600/grandma+and+grandpa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaJvQAMyrGu6LFP1tSMhsTJx6WwZFTr-iv8oJsnEobG54bftEcDVzKWdvZPkkJpyOSvAeHU9Vhyphenhyphenf76zGK4gLgAVSNsd_-BMnLjCSu5G_A9aGIthdC0xfSVLROi3NlrRT73O6BoQHzPnq0/s1600/grandma+and+grandpa.jpg" height="320" width="236" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gerald and Dessie with my dad.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I miss him and I loved him very much. I am also thankful that he is no longer suffering from dementia. This sort of grief makes me feel conflicted. I felt this same way when my <a href="http://awakeningsandreflections.blogspot.com/2012/03/remembering-grandma.html" target="_blank">grandma</a> died in 2010 and when my <a href="http://awakeningsandreflections.blogspot.com/2013/04/tranquility-reflecting-on-presence.html" target="_blank">dad</a> died in 1996. They were all terminally ill so when they died, I felt a sense of relief that accompanied the loss. I don't like feeling this way. It's really confusing.<br />
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My grandpa is now with my dad and my grandma. He is home. There was no funeral or memorial. I guess that he didn't want anything and it wasn't my decision to make. This tiny memoir is my memorial to my grandpa. I need to reflect on his life. He deserves to be recognized for being a good man.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghT6aJ2DmLKnx6h5eVN1Ii5zFrd4A-WpydbyXKoMWh9yawxaf02h0ByfWnjixN4eb68fCwOT0R-imsP0iRQQwoiBAASor-ppm6RofkIJ8ell5IxMNSJ5LU9rXKSGm6dcbL4RbvYlKX8hc/s1600/grandpa+and+jaime.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghT6aJ2DmLKnx6h5eVN1Ii5zFrd4A-WpydbyXKoMWh9yawxaf02h0ByfWnjixN4eb68fCwOT0R-imsP0iRQQwoiBAASor-ppm6RofkIJ8ell5IxMNSJ5LU9rXKSGm6dcbL4RbvYlKX8hc/s1600/grandpa+and+jaime.jpg" height="211" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and grandpa on my wedding day.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Gerald was sort of a quiet man. He was hard working, having retired from General Motors, and provided well for his family. He loved his family and enjoyed being around others. You could tell because he would get a certain look on his face. It was a combination of peacefulness and pride in his family and friends. It was a look of happiness.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcEVhQ2QceVyscxmqCv02QS__-sVG5Ad1BI-Ubmk_UfpxwtOm3-3LYngj1hc6i6xjQW57aaIJPXFg7nplymYIY4i7oGjSaP1K4xjbBEcpI_4CE9-MSo05VBFmyLMovwcXQIrJ3zfvleTY/s1600/grandma+and+grandpa2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcEVhQ2QceVyscxmqCv02QS__-sVG5Ad1BI-Ubmk_UfpxwtOm3-3LYngj1hc6i6xjQW57aaIJPXFg7nplymYIY4i7oGjSaP1K4xjbBEcpI_4CE9-MSo05VBFmyLMovwcXQIrJ3zfvleTY/s1600/grandma+and+grandpa2.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grandma and grandpa.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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My grandpa found little things amusing. For one anniversary, my husband and I bought grandpa and grandma a weekend at a bed and breakfast in St. Augustine. They had so much fun. After dinner one evening, we walked them back to their room. The bed was turned down and there were chocolates on their pillows. My grandpa thought the chocolates were condoms. We laughed until our stomachs hurt.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCFGVN3b47C-4qykGuL1oei5mUjcPHXsYomn7nY3SB6Jev7s8QBanDZoRfJlta_6E7hEGorZ0AplFx0I-dduHc8wlIu4d8muM2PyOpla8ACg0OgRbg0WoP9n7xQWJpHsYFYpsSwT2pSTQ/s1600/grandma+and+grandpa5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCFGVN3b47C-4qykGuL1oei5mUjcPHXsYomn7nY3SB6Jev7s8QBanDZoRfJlta_6E7hEGorZ0AplFx0I-dduHc8wlIu4d8muM2PyOpla8ACg0OgRbg0WoP9n7xQWJpHsYFYpsSwT2pSTQ/s1600/grandma+and+grandpa5.jpg" height="232" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At home in Florida. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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He didn't like asking for help. We had a family cabin in Michigan - it was on an island on a lake. One summer, he needed to do some work on the cabin. My husband and I were taking a vacation to Michigan and asked him to wait until we got there so we could help. He didn't wait and ended up falling off of a ladder. He laid outside on the ground for hours before my grandma came looking for him. There's no phone on the island so my grandma had to yell for a fisherman to come pick him up and take him to the hospital.<br />
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When my husband and I finally arrived, we still went to the island. My grandpa had no problem getting into the rubber raft at the landing with his walker. He was one of the most determined men I've ever known. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdqa3497MRx2yEfz8_1sZ9ZjwztOW2dH2S_z54tXuSg6_wc6gi_RIhYUeS69EamiWEmjCRJ2B1_-Voj5JEVFNbHAAOM09GAV1-mlF57BwA_QsGMZEqHUZmgeIF_u14qEGPFWCRwRWUoYc/s1600/grandpa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdqa3497MRx2yEfz8_1sZ9ZjwztOW2dH2S_z54tXuSg6_wc6gi_RIhYUeS69EamiWEmjCRJ2B1_-Voj5JEVFNbHAAOM09GAV1-mlF57BwA_QsGMZEqHUZmgeIF_u14qEGPFWCRwRWUoYc/s1600/grandpa.jpg" height="226" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He loved fishing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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He was the only grandpa I knew. I always remember him being there - as a child, a teenager and an adult. We were close - even when I lived across the country, he and my grandma were there for me. He was there for dance recitals, graduations, my move to college, vacations, my dad's death, birthdays and my wedding. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0jP2ciOjz8rHYVLtxUX2H9GWiuPXq6V__IeLDbcF-COKe5i9rIV4EXntYyg4agBuvQu2UjA9-A803VNzkd71Nb0Zv1bNz5m1OiIgC5SgbzvScAVo43Ltihd3pqpovXyplUbfnjuOSKr0/s1600/grandpa+and+jaime2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0jP2ciOjz8rHYVLtxUX2H9GWiuPXq6V__IeLDbcF-COKe5i9rIV4EXntYyg4agBuvQu2UjA9-A803VNzkd71Nb0Zv1bNz5m1OiIgC5SgbzvScAVo43Ltihd3pqpovXyplUbfnjuOSKr0/s1600/grandpa+and+jaime2.jpg" height="255" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My grandpa and I before a dance recital.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
One of the things that I will remember the most about him was his love for my grandma. They were amazing. She used to get frustrated with him and he would just laugh. He would sneak kisses when he thought no one was watching and he simply adored her. I hope that my marriage is as long as theirs. I pray that my marriage is as full as Gerald and Dessie's was. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDrXfkX7jfVggFTkVEjb_8-FyLj8NbEUuapnXrD2Y8-ZHIQgpyJhn7tkSLQHoPcq__SiKjcckg64OfQ2P1afguaHv2J7d8fS8DJQ46P7Kqnx8_HRaqgb5u3eRsOfiVi_9BFAWVBExVA7c/s1600/grandma+and+grandpa3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDrXfkX7jfVggFTkVEjb_8-FyLj8NbEUuapnXrD2Y8-ZHIQgpyJhn7tkSLQHoPcq__SiKjcckg64OfQ2P1afguaHv2J7d8fS8DJQ46P7Kqnx8_HRaqgb5u3eRsOfiVi_9BFAWVBExVA7c/s1600/grandma+and+grandpa3.jpg" height="640" width="140" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Love is forever.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Grandpa, you will always be in my heart. I will remember you forever. <br />
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Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-36633736716890995982014-02-09T19:25:00.000-05:002014-02-09T19:25:42.992-05:00God on a ShelfThe past six weeks have been a whirlwind. I moved. Unpacked boxes. Started a new job. Met a lot of new people. Unpacked more boxes. Got the flu. Began learning new systems at work. Sat by a fire. Went to a really cool outdoor movie. Unpacked more boxes. Bought cheap household items at Ikea. Traveled to Atlanta for a conference. Stayed up late to watch The Walking Dead marathon. And, this week, I will continue to unpack even more boxes.<br />
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I have to wonder: <span style="font-size: large;">will the boxes ever get emptied</span>? <br />
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Throughout all of this, I've been moving really fast: physically and mentally. I compartmentalize the things in my mind. It has been a sort of defense mechanism, this go-go-go mentality, to help with the tremendous amount of change I have endured the past month and a half. For me, this was necessary.<br />
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However, I realized that this self-protection type of mentality has kept me from reflecting on all the changes in my life. I haven't really absorbed or savored them. This tunnel vision has kept me from connecting with God, too. I put Him on a shelf and I miss Him. <br />
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The great thing is knowing that He is there for me, waiting on me to come around. I am not alone and, because I believe that Jesus is my savior, I will never be alone again. There will always be someone to confide in. Someone to love me. When I begin to drift, He will inspire me and motivate me to embrace all of the blessings in my life. <br />
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Prayer: I'm sorry, God, for putting You on a shelf. I forgot that You are my Rock. I lost sight of you and I am aching to be with You again. To feel close to You. To be centered in You. Help me stay centered in Christ and continue discovering who I am in You. Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-63586659720623306352013-12-28T22:23:00.000-05:002013-12-28T22:23:51.668-05:00Who Moves During the Holidays?Christmas morning was me on my computer, listening to my husband snore. Our tiny tree was lit and illuminated the chaos of the upcoming move. We're sleeping in the living room while surrounded by boxes, lamps, a carpet cleaner and lots of stuff. Next came cinnamon rolls and coffee while we watched <em>A Christmas Story</em>. Then packing and cleaning. Amazing friends invited us to share in their Christmas tradition and we all ate Chinese food together, told stories, laughed and drank wine. It was wonderful.<br />
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Christmas is over and we're still moving. There are less boxes as well as furniture. I'm sitting in a camp chair as I write. I keep thinking about my comfy sofa that is already in our new house. I bet that he misses us. I sure do miss him. The carpet cleaner is next to the TV. Vehicles are packed and waiting for the final trip to our new home on Monday. I said my goodbyes at work. I am ready for change.<br />
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I am excited about the move, my new job, our new city and the 1950's home that my family will be moving into. I am thankful for the blessings in my life. For new opportunities and to be moving to such a beautiful area in Florida. God is so good. <br />
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I am worried about my dog. He's 16 years and 4 months old. Over the past few months he's become more and more blind. I think that he gets around by memory more than sight. I have no idea how he will make this transition and I am praying that he does well. Even though I am worried about him, I am also so thankful that he is still a part of our lives after such a long time. He's still happy, absolutely loves to eat and barks at people who walk past him as he sunbathes on our balcony. Floyd is an awesome old dog.<br />
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Christmas was different this year. I didn't see family. My husband and I did not buy any gifts for anyone. <em>It's a Wonderful Life</em> accidentally got packed so I couldn't watch my favorite Christmas movie. The day wasn't the coziest Christmas. It was just the way it was. The way it was supposed to be at this time in my life. God has big plans for my husband and I and we are following Him on His schedule (even during Christmas).<br />
Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-27445488183007189662013-12-25T09:41:00.000-05:002013-12-25T09:41:51.818-05:00Merry Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTSgmVZX61QdxRLT0uJkcx8O-SzAnhn7TlSQS7zcJ_w7iElDxcPLKTnm-tkMSmzKy52wi0c1MKwXHSgCqwtKLVJIwKlSucNl8QiucraF96IDodJcN0ULJHal0ih6rW3jqZ2lq8n3gxEOU/s1600/sandman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTSgmVZX61QdxRLT0uJkcx8O-SzAnhn7TlSQS7zcJ_w7iElDxcPLKTnm-tkMSmzKy52wi0c1MKwXHSgCqwtKLVJIwKlSucNl8QiucraF96IDodJcN0ULJHal0ih6rW3jqZ2lq8n3gxEOU/s640/sandman.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-56989318312431130022013-12-05T19:35:00.000-05:002013-12-05T19:38:07.453-05:00Embracing Change - the Good, the Bad and the Ugly<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I have been searching for something new for a very long time. Be in a new place. Find my dream job. Embrace experiences that freak me out. I wanted:</div>
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<o:p> </o:p><span style="font-size: large;">Change</span></div>
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There were months and months of searching, applying for jobs, interviews, prayer, moments of complete neurotic breakdowns, quiet reflection, tears and sleepless nights. Now, I am finally embarking upon a new:</div>
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<o:p> </o:p><span style="font-size: large;">Journey</span></div>
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I am making an amazing career move and I am both excited and nervous. The organization that I will be working with has been serving children for over 100 years and I love their mission as well as their reputation around the country. I will be leading a team of professionals who are doing awesome work in the community and who are making a difference in children’s lives on a daily basis. I cannot wait to get there and practice:</div>
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<o:p> </o:p><span style="font-size: large;">Creative Leadership</span></div>
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Since my new job is 100 miles from where I currently live, I will be moving. There are boxes in my living room (lots of them) and it looks like a tornado came through the bedroom. Usually, I cannot stand it when it is like this. I loathe clutter. It isn’t bothering me, though. I am focused on my new house, in my new neighborhood, in my <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">new city</st1:place></st1:city>. The chaos in my life is being overshadowed by a wonderful sense of:</div>
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<o:p> </o:p><span style="font-size: large;">Peace</span></div>
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This journey has been long, stressful, exhausting and at times I felt as though I wouldn’t make it through. I became deflated on more occasions than I’d like to admit. Thankfully, my husband kept encouraging me to move forward. I have learned so much throughout this experience. </div>
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<li>God is in control. For a control-freak, this was the most difficult lesson I learned. I had a plan and I put that plan into place. That was over a year ago. I finally realized that it was not God’s plan. Ah Ha moment. I had to learn how to let go and give everything to Him. This was not easy and it took me a while to fully understand how to do this. Things started clicking when I learned how to pray.</li>
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Pray authentically. A friend of mine offered some of the best advice I have ever received. When I mentioned to her that I felt guilty for praying for the perfect job when there were so many people in the world who desperately need work, she suggested that I open up to God about this. So, I did. I was driving to work and offered Him the most authentic prayer of my life. The very next day, I was presented with an interview. Within a couple of weeks, I had four different leads.</div>
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Have faith. The four leads turned into four interviews in a very short time. Suddenly, I was faced with having to make a decision between various job opportunities. I was so amazed at how God was showing me different paths that I just didn’t worry. I knew that He would show me which path to take. I prayed and I let go. I had faith in Him and His plan for my life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Be thankful. After I was offered my new job, I called my husband. I was sitting in my car in an elementary school parking lot. As soon as I hit the send key, I lost it. I cried so hard that I couldn’t talk. I was amazed at how God was working in my life. I was relieved to finally have been offered my dream job. I was so thankful that God presented me with such an amazing opportunity. He was listening. The tears were a release after so much searching and uncertainty. They were also tears of joy and thankfulness. It was one of the most cathartic experiences of my life. </div>
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<o:p> </o:p>Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we don’t see.</div>
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<o:p> </o:p>Hebrews 11:1<o:p> </o:p></div>
Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-70726262065784421162013-11-17T12:23:00.001-05:002013-11-17T12:41:44.293-05:00Everything is Going to be Okay<div align="center">
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When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, </div>
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they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; </div>
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the flames will not set you ablaze.</div>
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Isaiah 43: 2</div>
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Knowing that we are never alone is a very comforting truth. Happy Sunday. </div>
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Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-83483033798304757742013-11-10T13:52:00.000-05:002013-11-10T13:52:52.319-05:00Ask. Seek. Knock<div align="center">
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."</div>
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Matthew 7: 7</div>
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Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-38852315659413965132013-10-01T20:09:00.002-04:002013-10-01T20:09:23.783-04:00Feeling RestlessI was feeling restless after a long day of working. If I lived someplace with a theme park - I totally would have gone on a ride. I started to get that yucky feeling. Like I'm going to either breakdown or completely shut down or I don't know what. Before any of this happened, I forced myself into the kitchen.<br />
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The result = baked rosemary chicken, roasted carrots, mashed potatoes & salad. Yum. Life is good again. Sometimes, you just need a really comforting meal to make you whole again.<br />
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What helps you feel whole after a long day?<br />
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Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-86792689635995652122013-09-26T21:19:00.001-04:002013-09-26T21:22:26.802-04:00Dream MessagesSince God doesn't text or have a phone, I believe that He leaves us messages via dreams. I've been having really vivid dreams lately - weird ones. My dreams are like miniature movies - they're colorful, have a variety of characters, interesting plots and elicit many different emotions.<br />
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In the past few nights I have dreamt that:<br />
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<li>I owned a mountain lion as a pet and was concerned that buying steaks would start to get expensive. I was feeding him steaks so he wouldn't eat my other pets. I was really anxious in this dream because I was afraid that I couldn't protect my dog from being eaten by my mountain lion.</li>
<li>Someone introduced me to a friend who she thought would make a good mentor. When I met the guy, he told me that I had interviewed him months ago and never got back to him. I couldn't remember who he was so he showed me a photo album. It turns out, that he was friends with my dad when he was alive. When I am stressed and overwhelmed, I become forgetful. It's really bad when you forget things in your dreams. </li>
<li>My three friends from high school came to visit me for a holiday. We hadn't seen each other in a while and I was really looking forward to it. One of them felt guilty for spending the holiday with friends instead of family. I encouraged her to do what she felt was right and I could tell she was conflicted. I knew that she did not feel comfortable being at my house. I knew that she needed to leave so I began helping her pack and then she shared this gem that still lingers in my thoughts:</li>
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"I'm changing being here." </div>
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I am becoming a different person in my current situation. I am not the same person I was four years ago or ten years ago. Places and life circumstances change us. They add layers of experience to our minds and spirits. I believe that they will keep piling up until we take our last breath. It's life. It is forever changing as we are forever changing. <br />
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Now, the questions I have been asking myself are: "Am I changing for the better or for the worse?" and "Is being here (this place in my life) good for me?" <br />
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If yes, awesome. If not, I need to do something. I need to re-focus and re-center myself in Christ. When I do, He gives me the strength that I need to open myself to endless possibilities.<br />
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Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,</div>
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for I have put my trust in you.</div>
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Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.</div>
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Psalm 143: 9</div>
Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-69633927195727881522013-09-19T18:27:00.000-04:002013-09-20T09:38:19.043-04:00Reaching Out and Reaching UpThis is a really amazing song.<br />
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Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-83232252005120023642013-09-14T16:49:00.000-04:002013-09-14T16:49:33.457-04:00Yellow Flowers<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty out values all the utilities of the world. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">~Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1844</span></div>
Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-50739118496435974272013-09-12T21:13:00.000-04:002013-09-12T21:13:36.400-04:00Womanhood is DifficultThe last couple of weeks have been sort of heavy. Not in a bad way. Just days filled with deep thinking and reflection. Some of them have been stressful. Others have been sad. A few days have felt strange and confusing.<br />
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I have an old friend going through a challenge - her first baby has a fatal diagnosis. She and her husband have decided to carry their son to term. Since finding this out, I have been in utter awe of her strength. I keep asking myself what I would do. Could I be that strong? I just cannot get her out of my mind. I pray for her and her baby almost every day.<br />
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I'm in awe of her strength but I'm also scared. I am afraid that I might have come to a realization that I will probably never have a baby. I am not ready to be a mother. I don't know why. I'm just not. But this makes me very sad at the same time. <br />
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I have been in a strange place regarding my career for over a year. I have no idea what my purpose in life is. Which translates to not knowing what I am supposed to do for work. This completely stresses me out. I am exhausted doing what I do. I feel deflated. Do you know this feeling? It's knowing that you are absolutely, without a doubt, positive that something in your life needs to change but not knowing what that change is. It's out there. You can almost reach it. Almost.<br />
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I am in womanhood limbo. It both sucks and it also rocks. It seems that as women, we are continually exploring who we are - testing limits, experimenting, growing, failing, succeeding, acknowledging our weaknesses while embracing our strengths at the same time. It's just so much. Some days, it's too much.<br />
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I don't know how to get past something like this. Do you just think yourself through it? Pray to God? Be patient? I'm really not sure.<br />
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So, instead of trying to figure out the answer, I decided to make peach cobbler for dessert. It's gluten-free and has just a hint of Kahlua in it. I haven't tried it yet but it smell delicious. I'm hoping that it will make being a woman a little bit easier, even if it's just for tonight.<br />
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Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-32209889136076572102013-08-25T19:28:00.000-04:002013-08-25T19:32:23.422-04:00SwimmingFor the past month or so, my husband and I have been swimming almost every day. Sometimes, we even go two times. Usually, we begin by strolling down the walkway to our beach (I like to think of it as "our beach" even though other people use it, too). Before I have a view of the shore, I am anticipating the waves. Will they be big? Or small? I am happy either way - body surfing or just floating. <br />
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I never intend to get my hair wet but I always do. Over the years I have learned to dive into waves to keep them from crashing on top of me. The salt makes my eyes burn a little but I like it. It feels like Florida. I remember spending the entire day at the beach when I was a child, swimming with my family and spending hours in the water. Now, after just 15 minutes I feel completely refreshed and like a new person. I am reminded of the important things in life.<br />
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After the beach, we walk back to our condo property and stop to wash the sand off of our feet. Then, we take a dip in the pool. Our swims in the pool can last an hour or more. This morning, I did handstands in the shallow end. At the moment my feet are directly over my head, I feel completely connected to my body. My mind, body and soul are one. I'm not doing some physical activity while my mind is somewhere else. I realize that I don't feel this connected often enough. I think too much. I need to let go and float more. It really does make everything better.Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-27565170435360659942013-08-11T18:24:00.001-04:002013-08-11T18:24:12.640-04:00Nine DaysNine days of vacation. It was amazing. One of the best vacations of my life. Nine days was long enough to:<br />
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<li>Swim: in the ocean, the intracoastal, Salt Springs, Silver Glen Springs and a pool. I spent about four hours in the water today. Not only did my husband and I swim but we also grilled burgers in our canoe while standing in the water. It was awesome.</li>
<li>Canoe: three different times. I love beaching our canoe, making sandwiches on a sandy bank, drinking margaritas and exploring hidden creeks.</li>
<li>Cooked really healthy meals: I made gluten-free flaxseed bread, pizza and cinnamon rolls from scratch. I also cooked homemade chicken broth without the sodium and preservatives that are found in the store-bought brands.</li>
<li>Eat lots of wild-caught sockeye salmon: grilled with fresh lemon and dill.</li>
<li>Walk around our flea market: twice we went to our town flea market and bought cool movies for really cheap prices. We found Spaceballs, Stand by Me, Raising Cain, a Halloween collection, the original House on Haunted Hill, Fear and a serial killer trilogy. </li>
<li>Spend time with friends: we've made new friends and went to the First Friday Art Walk with them and also the Wednesday night concert at the Pier. Both were very good times.</li>
<li>Be with my husband: the time we spent together was totally amazing. Enough said.</li>
<li>Celebrate my dog's 16th birthday. I am still in awe that he is so healthy and happy after all these years. Instead of cake (because cake is bad for dogs), Floyd got a can of tuna for his birthday dish. He LOVES seafood.</li>
<li>Soak up the sun: I mean really soak it up. I'm a couple shades darker than I was nine days ago. I actually look like I live in Florida.</li>
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Now I know why people need to vacation. We need to clear our heads and our souls. Vacations are times to connect with our loved ones, ourselves, nature and the important things in life. I feel completely refreshed.Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-22668331062542364112013-06-23T11:04:00.000-04:002013-06-23T11:04:34.080-04:00Waiting with PatienceI trust in God and I have been working on centering myself in Him. Not in the things I want or pursue. But in Him. I've come to realize that discernment isn't easy for me. I want to figure things out and know what God's plans are for me - usually on my time, not His. I read something by <a href="http://www.joycemeyer.org/Articles/ea.aspx?article=when_gods_timing_is_taking_too_long" target="_blank">Joyce Meyer</a> about God's timing and I found this statement to be both simple and enlightening:<br />
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"We prove that we trust God when we refuse to worry."</div>
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I've never read anything by Joyce Meyer before and her message really made me think. I have spent the last 36 years figuring out who I am. Myself as a woman, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a professional, a friend, a leader, an achiever and a believer. Now, it's time I start learning who I am in Christ. Maybe this is what God wants me to figure out while I am waiting on His timing. <br />
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If I weren't waiting and relaxing and trying to be patient I wouldn't have quiet in my life. The kind of quiet that is needed to reflect on these types of awakenings. It's actually pretty freeing to realize that you don't have to figure things out. You just have to be patient and trust in God completely.<br />
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Prayer: God, help me stay centered in You. I trust in You and I will wait as long as You want me to for Your plans to be revealed. Give me strength when I become weak and peace during times of uncertainty. Amen. Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659340471325526168.post-76610544537663374062013-06-13T19:29:00.000-04:002013-06-13T19:29:50.670-04:00Confidence and Curiosity<div style="text-align: center;">
"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit."</div>
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- E.E. Cummings</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Curious Duck</td></tr>
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Jaimehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11551934375166879796noreply@blogger.com0