Hello, Mr. Fear

Gosh, I haven't seen you in a while.  I think that the last time I saw you, I was in grad school and dealing with issues such as competency, finding balance, writing 20 page papers after I had worked all day, lacking energy for three long years and a whole lot of stress.  Now that I'm thinking of changing my life again - you show up.  You definitely know how to crap on my parade.  I was all excited about embracing my dream of being free and living on a boat so I start reading about becoming a live aboard and who shows up?  You. 

I've been reading this book that I actually purchased over a year ago - The Essentials of Living Aboard a Boat by Mark Nicholas.  The author presents a very holistic view of the lifestyle and has been helping me prepare.  I'm learning about seacocks, anchoring, the U.S. Coast Guard, sewage, boat safety and sanitation, among other things.  Now that I am cramming my head with all of this brand new information - the only natural thing for me to do is get a visit from good old Mr. Fear.  Thanks, you freaking asshole. 

I am filled with anxiety about giving up my privacy as a liveaboard and the search and seizure laws that will apply to me.  I am also afraid of propane leaks, carbon monoxide poisoning, seacocks not turned in the right direction, the fact that I'm not sure what a through-hull is, sinking, mildew and learning how to navigate.  What happens if our engine quits?  I don't know how to use a radio.  Is everyone on the same channel?  Don't even get me started on the whole sewage issue.  Discharge and non-discharge zones, pump out services, macerators.  How the hell am I supposed to know what to do?  I just figured that living on a boat would sort of be like camping.  When your black and grey water tanks are full - you go dump them.   

You visit me at 3:30 in the morning, wake me up from a deep sleep and try to get me to change my mind.  Well, have you forgotten that I loathe being told what to do?  Screw you.  I am going to use your unwanted visit to become an expert boater and safe liveaboard.  I'm warning you to get the hell out of my life.  If you try to wiggle your way into my life again, I am going to kick you in the keester.  Then, I will meditate on all of the reasons why I want to change my lifestyle:         

• freedom from being tied down
• enjoying a brand new experience with my husband and dog
• less clutter
• fresh air and lots of sunshine
• having no choice but to simplify
• cheap waterfront property
• being able to change my surroundings whenever I want
• the purity of water 
• because I am afraid and I never want to regret not doing something because of fear
• life is short - why not?

A New Path

When I started this blog, my intention was to write about my journey in becoming a "live aboard".  It has evolved into whatever it is and I haven't gotten very far in regards to my dream of living on a boat.  I guess that there are short journeys and long ones - this is a long one.  I thought I'd summarize my journey thus far:

February 2010 - My husband & I attend a boat show in San Diego and get the urge.  We fell in love with a 36 foot catamaran.

April 2010 - We need a change but we can't quite figure out what needs to happen.  So, we start looking into buying a boat and moving to a marina. 

May 2010 - Living aboard a boat at a marina in San Diego isn't as easy as I thought it would be.  The wait list for a live aboard permit is very long (almost 2 years at some marinas).  Things aren't working out as expected.  In discussing our future, my husband & I realize that we don't want to live in California.  It isn't home.  We know where home is and, after a very easy conversation, we decide to move back to Florida.  I give my notice at work and we start packing.

June 2010 - I leave my job, we move out of our beach bungalow, sell our beautifully renovated 1957 camper (which was very sad) and we head back to Florida.  We drove both of our vehicles so I had to drive across country myself and couldn't sleep in the passenger seat like I would have preferred.  We get back home, it takes me a week or so to settle in, I start a new job and we learn to become Floridians again.

January 2011 - We buy another camper and start camping again.  I had forgotten how much I love being in nature.  My husband & I camped in Salt Springs and swam in the springs - the water is 72 degrees all year long and very therapeutic.  Spending time in nature reminds us that we want to live a simple life, we want to be in nature and on the water.

May 2011 - My husband bought a Jon boat.  It was the ugliest boat I ever saw (it actually was painted with camouflage paint).  We fixed it up and painted it a bright water blue.  One weekend, we motored over to a private beach, beached our boat, set up our colorful chairs, swam in the beautiful teal water and fished from the shore.  It was wonderful and that day the urge to live on a boat started creeping its way back into our lives again. 

June 2011- We realize that we need to start minimalizing our lives.  Even if we never live on a boat, we still want to live a simple life.  I don't want my life to be cluttered with stuff that I don't need or things that don't matter.  Though my husband & I have sold our households twice - we still have a hard time getting rid of little things.  I am very cognizant about simplifying and minimalizing - I start thinking about the direction I want my life to be headed.

Today, July 16, 2011 - We actually view a boat.  It isn't the catamaran that I have been dreaming of but, to be honest, we just cannot afford one right now.  We look at a houseboat.  It is a 1970 Nautaline and it is 43 feet in length.  It needs a lot, a lot, a lot of work.  However, being on the boat has really sparked our interest and I feel like we are headed down a path toward becoming a live aboard couple.  I'm not sure if this is the boat for us - we are still thinking about it.  Can we take on a project like this?  It will take a few months and thousands of dollars just to make it livable.  It'll take even more time and more money to completely renovate it.  It would be nice to live on a 2-bedroom and 4-patio boat, though.  Not only would boat living force us to simplify our lives but we would also be on the water (which feels very natural to both my husband & I) and we would significantly reduce our monthly expenses (I've been calculating & we could actually reduce our expenses by almost half).  Who knows what will happen?  The possibilities are endless.

Dreaming of a Simple Life

Last Sunday, my husband & I went to the San Diego Boat Show for a variety of reasons: to play, to get out of the house, to see what kind of boat we’d like to buy when we have money, and to dream of living a simpler life. I left the boat show with that Christmas-morning type of excitement. I felt rejuvenated and I dreamt all night long of our future boat. At first, I felt adventurous. We’ve talked about living on a boat – enjoying the freedom and the fresh ocean air. I pictured myself sitting out in the sun, wind blowing my hair, drinking a margarita. My dreams soon turned to panic. The more I thought about living on a boat, the more anxious I felt. What are we thinking? We don’t even own a house. Is our first home together going to float? How are we going to raise a child on a boat? What will people think?

During the course of a long and vividly dreamy night I realized that I don’t care what people think. I don’t want to succumb to what society tries forcing down our throats – that the things that matter consist of owning a home, having a yard, pictures to hang on the walls, and lots of things to store in closets and garages. I realized that the things that matter to me are being with my family, laughing, fostering creativity, enjoying nature and feeling free. Living on a boat would be a different life. It would be a simple life. 

When we saw it, we both knew it was meant for us. The 34-foot Gemini 105Mc catamaran was whispering our names. The brochure is now hanging on our refrigerator and the dream has become a vision. I envisioned myself living in California and pursuing graduate work. I am now only two units away from graduating with a master’s degree in Leadership Studies. I envisioned my husband leaving the construction industry and finding a new career. He is now an upcoming (and extremely hilarious) comedian. I am envisioning our life together on the water just as vibrantly. I’ve learned that we have the power within us to make anything happen. Anything is possible – as long as we have the courage to take risks.

I don’t know how it will happen and I don’t know the details. However, I am certain that we were meant to live on a boat. Just as certain that my husband is my soul mate and we are destined to live a simple life.