Starting Over

There are phases with anything in life:  relationships, new projects, careers, life transitions, health, creativity, families.  I've been in a down phase lately.  I haven't been cognizant about my eating or tracking my nutritional intake.  I am so exhausted when I get home from work that I don't feel like exercising.  In the evenings, it has been way too easy to choose watching movies and drinking wine over walking and doing something productive.  Also, I haven't been in the mood to write or practice photography.  I sort of lost my urge for creativity and I guess I just really needed a break.  What bothers me the most is that I have not made time for God in a while.  You know, that special one-on-one time.  I'm not sure why I've been in this phase and I don't want to analyze the reasons or dwell upon my feelings of laziness and need to escape.  I just want to start over.

This isn't my photo.  It just really captured how I'm feeling.

One way I start over is to mentally prepare for a new journey.  I envision the big picture:  my favorite dress hanging in my closet that I will wear again one day (without Spanx), my book that I will hold in my hands and admire the beautiful cover that I've already created in my mind, seeing my photography hanging on the walls of a funky art gallery, the child that I hope to raise with my husband, being so confident in my faith that I can actually voice how amazing God is to other people.  I think of all the things I want to do with my life and I get so excited that I just cannot sit still.   

Another way I start over is by creating an environment which is conducive to creativity, intentionality and positive energy.  When my home is perfectly cleaned and organized, my mind is free from clutter and open to new adventures.  I'm not thinking about the closet that could use organizing or the carpet that needs cleaning because I've recently completed a thorough house cleaning.  Now, I can lay my yoga mat down at any point during the day and take a few moments to connect with myself, God and the many blessings in my life without worrying about things that need to be done around the house. 

The last way I start over is by jumping into action:  I just do the things I want to do.  For example, I'm writing right now.  I just did the dishes from the night before so my kitchen is clean.  It is beautiful out today so I will be going for a walk after I practice yoga.  I've started tracking my nutritional content with My Fitness Pal again.  My stationary bike is ready for its next journey.  God is waiting for me.  Thankfully, he understands my down phases.  I've started working on my photography again and, for the very first time, am working from raw photos.  This is a new concept to me and I'm a little intimidated but I'm also very ready to take my art to the next level.  I will be using the 2013 A to Z Challenge to jump start the next stage of my art so that I am incorporating intentionality, technical aspects, creativity and authenticity in my photography.

I don't want to feel guilty about my down phase.  I want to embrace it and use it as a catalyst for change.  These moments remind me of what is important in life and what kind of person I want to be.  Even if I can't be her 24 hours a day, I will continue trying until I take my last breath. 

Cheers to starting over.

God, Be My Energy

Physically, I'm exhausted.  I have been feeling this way for quite a few days now.  I am awakening both mentally and emotionally, though.  This is good.  I just need my body to catch up.  This morning, as I got into my car and headed to work, a quick prayer passed through my lips: 

God, give me energy.  Actually, I mean please BE my energy. 

You see, I realized that I need Him to help me.  I can't do everything on my own.  Yes, I take two vitamin packets per day along with antioxidant supplements but they aren't enough.  I need His life force to be the energy that I am lacking.  I will wait for the strength He has planned for me.  Isn't it comforting knowing that we aren't alone?  That God has our backs?

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not grow faint.
Isaiah 40:31

 

 

Full of Life



 

Daydreaming on My Staycation

There's nothing like a really fun staycation to help alleviate negativity. Sometimes, you just need to get out and pretend you're on vacation by visitng new places, drinking frozen drinks, watching old horror movies and reading thriller novels. I needed the last couple of days to find my spark again and motivate me to continue moving forward in my life.

Yesterday, my husband and I spent the afternoon in New Smyrna Beach. I had never been there before and it is a very cool beach town. It was extremely hot outside so we didn't explore as much as I would have liked but it was still a very enjoyable day. It reminded me of Old Florida - the Florida I remember as a child. The smell of Coppertone, sunshine and salt water. Colorful buildings, shops that sell items made from shells and coconuts, seafood restaurants that overlook the ocean and families riding beach cruisers up and down the streets. There is a hotel for sale right downtown in the area that is called the Loop. I am fascinated with hotels. One of my dreams is to own and manage a small cozy inn and this one, the Seahorse Inn, was awesome.

My inn would be extremely clean. The kind of clean that smells fresh and makes you instantly relaxed. Each room would be uniquely decorated, stocked with fresh flowers, sunscreen and Keurig coffee makers. The inn would also be pet friendly and I would welcome all pets with a yummy treat. There would be absolutely no smoking in the rooms or even outside on the walkways. My husband and I would be the only ones who worked at the inn and we would live in the apartment above it. I love that feeling you get when you are on vacation and my inn would capture the ambiance of being in a tropical paradise. One day.

Isn't daydreaming the best? It's a great way to think creatively and explore possibilities. Daydreaming is reflecting on the future, on what might be. It can help us transcend negativity and remind us of the good things in life.

"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon

the idle seashore of the mind."

- Henry Wadworth Longfello

Just Move

I am trying to stay strong in my faith and in believing that God has a plan for me. It has been challenging, though. I feel like shit. There is so much of almost every kind of emotion swirling around me that I don't really know how to deal with any of it. The thing that it causing me to feel guilty is the fact that I am not experiencing any trauma in my life, no one in  my family is sick or dying, I'm paying the bills, I live by the beach, I am healthy and I have a good marriage. I know that I have a wonderful life. But still. It is there, lingering beneath the surface of my daily routine: restlessness and confusion and whatever else I'm feeling.

Even though I appreciate my life and all of God's blessings, I cannot help feeling this way. Isn't embracing life about taking in everything? The good and the bad? If I deny what I'm feeling, I won't be able to understand it and I won't be able to change it. Of course, I'd love to be happy all of the time and be grateful every second of every day but this is life and life is messy.

All this negativity that I have been feeling surfaced in my body today. My muscles ache, my chest hurts and I feel. . . activated. It's like a sensory overload and I thought that I was going to go crazy this evening. I didn't know what to do but I needed to do something.

So, I tidied up my bedroom and rolled out my stationary bike. I downloaded a few new songs from iTunes and rode my bike for almost an hour. I created a new playlist titled "Full Moon" (it's July 3 but that is close enough) and turned the music up loud. Loud enough that it not only drowned out the negativity I've been feeling but absorbed it as well. I rode my bike fast and I didn't slow down. Have you ever felt like you just have to move? To express yourself? Scream, sing and cry? Dance, kick and run? Sweat? To feel alive?

We have to let things out and as much as I believe in the process of writing and the practice of reflection, sometimes they just won't do. Sometimes, we need to kick negativity's ass (literally). All of the work that I have been doing to change my life course has kept me at the computer longer than I normally am. It has worn me out so much that I've lost energy and drive. Maybe the physical pain I've been feeling was God's way of waking me up? Maybe He is telling me to balance things in my life? I don't really know for sure but I do sense that something has changed.

When I finished exercising, I put my bike back in its place and listened to the last few songs while practicing yoga. As I laid on the floor, stretching my body and rubbing my dog's ears, I remembered that I have control over the way I feel. If I am feeling like shit, I can do something to change it. Linkin Park helps.  

Finding My Spark: A Veggie Run

There are many different phases in life. I like this because it keeps things interesting. However, as much as I really want to embrace uncertainty, I'm not very good at it. I wish I was and I hope that one day I will be best embracer of uncertainty ever.

I'm at a crossroads in my life and I feel a bit off/not me/stuck. While I am working on pursuing another path in life, I am also trying to flourish in my current state. This is not easy because I am having to be in the moment and envision the future at the same time. It is growing, accepting and living my current life while I balance the visions, hopes and dreams of my future life.

In order to really be in the here and now, I am focusing on three things: developing a healthy well-being, fostering my creativity and actively pursuing the next steps of my life (patiently). To kickoff this sort of personal challenge, my husband and I went on a veggie run yesterday.

There is a local farm called The County Line which is about 15-20 miles from where I live. Normally, we spend between $8 and $10 for a week's worth of veggies. Yesterday, we spent $23 on local-grown cabbage, beets, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, sweet potatoes, eggplant, various peppers, cantaloupe, grapefruit and a huge watermelon.

In order to find my spark, I have started with healthy eating. My husband has done a lot of research on pH balance in the body. We have started alkalizing* our bodies by changing the foods we eat. We've always ate pretty healthy but not consistently. These are the steps we're taking to alkalize:

1. Drink 2-3 baking soda waters per day (1/2 to 1 tsp. per glass of water)
2. Cut out alcohol (especially beer), sugar, dairy, eggs, bread, processed and fried foods
3. Decrease the amount of meat in our diets 
4. I am replacing the half & half in my coffee with almond milk (this will take a while to get used to)  
5. Eat a lot more alkaline-forming fruits and veggies      

Basically, we are just trying to eat cleaner. I am working on becoming healthy in my eating, taking care of myself and becoming stronger so that I can do God's work, enjoy my life and find peace. I found this verse that spoke to me about the kind of woman I want to be:

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

- Proverbs 31:25

I know that we all go through phases like this - when we don't really feel like ourselves. I believe that there are reasons for times like these. I see them as catalysts for change, for true reflection and for getting motivated to do something completely new. If we are open-minded during times of uncertainty, we are presented with options never thought possible. Happy Sunday to all.

*There is a lot of information out there on acid and alkaline balance. Don't trust just one source and be vigilant in your research.