You have searched me,
Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive
my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all of my ways.
Psalm 139: 1-3
Psalm 139: 1-3
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| Sitting in Sand |
I think that it is pretty awesome that God knows us so well and still loves us. He loves us despite our neuroses and our fears and our weaknesses. When I mess up, I know that He will not forsake me, that He will forgive me. He knows my deepest thoughts - even those thoughts that are so undefined that I can't voice them.
Here are a few things that God knows about me and, now, so do you:
- I am terrified of not being able to support myself when I grow old. This fear is almost paralyzing at times.
- Yesterday, I shot a 12-gauge shotgun for the first time. Only twice - that was enough. Everyone in those zombie apocalypse movies makes it look so easy. It wasn't. Shooting that gun scared me more than I imagined it would. I'm pretty disappointed in myself.
- I am completely conflicted about having a baby. One day I think that I'd love to and another day, I feel like maybe I'm not supposed to. I just don't know what to do and I feel like I'm running out of time.
- I blame working an exhausting full-time job for keeping me from finishing the writing and photography projects that I have going on. Though, the truth is that I am a procrastinator. Big time. I keep myself from those things that I don't accomplish and I totally hate this about myself.
- I turned 36 last week and I just do not feel like I am where a 36 year old woman should be. I do not have things figured out like I thought I would. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will.
*I'm participating in the 2013 A to Z Challenge. Every day in April (except for Sundays) I will be posting according to a letter of the Alphabet. To read more about my theme, click here.
Isn't it great to know we can't fake it with God. He knows our very DNA. This revelation should be freeing to us.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. One more day!!!
I totally agree. And, I'm very stoked that tomorrow is the last day of the challenge!
DeleteI don't think we ever feel we're where we should be.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking that you are on to something:)
DeleteI'm a little older than you and I'm pretty sure I'm not quite there yet either. But, we learn and we grow, try and fail, and make mistakes, and all of those things are progress and a part of our journey. Hang in there! :)
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong. I love the journey - even the difficult parts:)
DeleteI love that God knows me too! Isn't it great? And as for being 36..do not fret! I'm a 51 year old that has so many hopes and dreams, that I don't think I'm where I should be for my age either. I believe that it's pretty normal for a dreamer to think. Keep dreaming, and stop procrastinating - this is a key one/two punch ! Whoop!
ReplyDeleteTexas Playwright Chick
Thank you!
DeleteThis is so great, so honest, and I bet every woman reading can relate to some or all of it. I keep feeling like I should know more and be wiser at my point in life too (50-something), but in God's eyes, we are always children. What we long for is peace and calm and sure-ity, and we don't find that in this life. God IS our only hope and peace. The older I get, the more I rely on that. Good job on finishing the challenge. I, like you, am totally pooped. Too many late nights up reading blogs. Happy belated birthday!!
ReplyDeletefrom The Dugout
Thanks, MB. I hope you get some rest, too!
DeleteDewena sent me and I'm happy to visit. If you take the steps now, you'll have the income in the future to take care of you. It's not that difficult, it just means taking appropriate steps now.
ReplyDeleteShooting a shotgun, rifle or gun takes practice and there's nothing to be frightened of. Guns are merely tools, like a vehicle or meds. Used wisely, they are tools for the good; used poorly, they can be life threatening. Choose wisely.
Having a baby means the focus will change from you/your husband to the baby; is that something you're willing to do for the next 18 years?
Working an exhausting job means there'll always be less time and energy for you and your interests. Choose wisely.
Happy Birthday! 36 is a fabulous age, enjoy! On the 11th, I turned 60 so am looking at the end of the tunnel...the Shekinah glory of God. There's still lots of life left in this ole girl...to be used for God's glory.
You're doing great, Jaime; go easy on yourself and trust God.
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment!
Delete