Dog Years Reflections

My dog is almost 17 years old. He only has to make it five more weeks. If he does, he'll be considered to be 119 years old in Dog Years.

Floyd is pretty much blind. I think that he can see some things but I'm not sure what they are. We have to lead him inside from the backyard because he gets lost out there. He also runs into walls and furniture and stumbles over shoes if we forget and leave them in the middle of the floor.

He sleeps a lot. A LOT. He whines more than I like. It's not irritating - it just makes me sad. There are a few things that help him relax. His floor fan is his comfort zone. It's just a cheap $20 box fan and it runs 24 hours per day. He usually sleeps right in front of it. Sometimes, he sleeps so close to the fan that I'm afraid his tail will get stuck inside. The next saving grace is Sara McLachlan or Nora Jones or Adele - any soothing female voice will almost instantly relax him. We also give him Benadryl at night with a little snack - it really helps.

Even though Floyd is blind and losing equilibrium, he still LOVES to eat. He can't eat hard food or dog treats anymore so he gets extra meals. Floyd eats breakfast, dinner and a late night snack. If he cries a lot at night, I also give him a little bowl of milk (this usually does the trick). He will do anything for fish - he gets salmon and tuna for treats and I think that he's in heaven when he does. This morning, when my husband made breakfast, Floyd got his Sunday egg over medium.

Floyd's toy box sits on the living room floor and it is filled with memories. Winnie the Pooh, Scooby Doo, Eeyore, a cow that moos, a small puppy named Charlie and a chipmunk among other stuffed animals. He will sniff his toy box once in a while but no longer plays with his toys. They are patient with him ignoring them and understand that the older you get, the more you just wish to be left alone.

Only pet people can understand how much our pets mean to us. I was 20 years old when I adopted Floyd from the Humane Society. I paid $40 for a family member who I never imagined would be a part of my family 17 years later.

My husband and I talk about Floyd dying. I think it is a way to prepare ourselves for the inevitable. We are thankful that Floyd has had a wonderful life - he was loved and traveled and went on many adventures. I can't imagine my life without him. I know that death is a part of life but it's so difficult to accept.

Until it is his time to go, I will give Floyd as much loving as he can stand. I kiss him and tell him that I love him. I'll do whatever I can to keep him at peace - even if it means stocking up on canned salmon and buying a new fan if this one ever breaks.

Here's a photo of Floyd on vacation many years ago:

Floyd on his first boat. He loved it!

And a recent one at home:

Floyd sleeping in a new spot.

Twin Peaks Reflections

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been slowly watching Twin Peaks episodes. Again. This show is amazing. It's weird and crazy and so very interesting. The writing is wonderful. It is full of emotion and intellect. David Lynch is raw. He is real. I don't always understand him and I love it. His work makes me. . . wonder. And think. And reflect. I'm reminded to enjoy the little things. Have you given yourself a present today?

Funky Roses

Today, I needed to immerse myself in creativity and music in order to find balance. After an hour or so and a few Blow Pops later, Funky Roses emerged.

The perfect song to accompany my Funky Roses mood was "Don't Follow" by Alice in Chains. I love this song. It reminds me of the time in my life when I learned to let go. I was in college and had spent months grieving the loss of my dad. I was withdrawn and depressed. A friend encouraged me to go out with her and it ended up becoming an evening I will remember forever.

A group of us, sitting on the floor, drinking alcoholic beverages with our eyes closed moving to the music in our own unique ways. It was the first time in my life when I just let go of everything I had been holding on to. I felt free. I felt independent and connected. It was an amazing feeling.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself to let go and to embrace whatever emotion I'm feeling at the time. Even those feelings that are difficult and probably not be pretty. Most likely, they will be complex and messy - otherwise, I wouldn't need to remind myself.

When we do meditate and reflect on these types of feelings, interesting things can happen. We realize things about ourselves that are both scary and exciting. Hidden desires emerge and those things that are easy to bottle up bubble to the surface. We feel alive and activated. We can't ignore the complexities in life when we allow ourselves to delve into them. It's both horrible and beautiful at the same time. I love it.

Easter Reflections

Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve,
and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Matthew 20: 28

It's easy not to get caught up in the commercialism of Easter when you don't have children. There are no Easter baskets or egg hunts or chocolate bunnies. There is space to meditate on the meaning of this day: sacrifice, love, pain and joy.

There is space to realize that I struggle with my Christianity. I struggle with keeping my connection with Jesus as the most important aspect of my life. It is a reminder that I must consciously and actively develop and nurture my relationship with Him. Little steps like reading scripture every day, praying with purpose and giving thanks for all of the blessings in my life.

Happy Easter!

This and That and Bike Week

It's an amazing Sunday afternoon here in central Florida. Beautiful. The weather is perfect - sunny, a blue sky, a small enough chill in the air that you can wear a groovy scarf and it rained yesterday so everything is extra green.

I started monitoring my food and exercise. It's not the D word that most women loathe - it's just eating healthier and being cognizant about exercising. I didn't stay within my goal twice this week but that's okay because it's only my first week. I'm using My Fitness Pal to track food and exercise. I love this because it's easy and it's free. It just takes planning and I love the kind of awareness that comes with really looking at the nutritional content of foods.

I can't believe that tonight is the season finale of the Walking Dead. This is the first season that I've watched in real time because I hadn't had cable in so long. Thank goodness for TV on DVD and season marathons. I really hope that none of the main characters die off. Especially Daryl.

I slept in this morning. Really slept in. I've only been awake for an hour and it's 12:41 p.m. My day includes lots of cleaning, a walk around a lake, 30 minutes on my stationary bike and giving my dog a bath. I love cleaning and now that I know I burn 243 calories an hour, it's even better!

I am not participating in the A to Z Challenge this year. I had the past two years and really enjoyed it. I just don't have it in me this year. I am still adjusting to my new job and the move. My creativity has been off balance. I just started getting back into photography again after a few months. Writing is still on hold. Here are a few new photos from a spontaneous trip to Daytona Beach during Bike Week. I love Bike Week - if you're observant enough, you can see life and humanity and beauty all around you.

assertiveness



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