Easter Reflections

Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve,
and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Matthew 20: 28

It's easy not to get caught up in the commercialism of Easter when you don't have children. There are no Easter baskets or egg hunts or chocolate bunnies. There is space to meditate on the meaning of this day: sacrifice, love, pain and joy.

There is space to realize that I struggle with my Christianity. I struggle with keeping my connection with Jesus as the most important aspect of my life. It is a reminder that I must consciously and actively develop and nurture my relationship with Him. Little steps like reading scripture every day, praying with purpose and giving thanks for all of the blessings in my life.

Happy Easter!

God on a Shelf

The past six weeks have been a whirlwind. I moved. Unpacked boxes. Started a new job. Met a lot of new people. Unpacked more boxes. Got the flu. Began learning new systems at work. Sat by a fire. Went to a really cool outdoor movie. Unpacked more boxes. Bought cheap household items at Ikea. Traveled to Atlanta for a conference. Stayed up late to watch The Walking Dead marathon. And, this week, I will continue to unpack even more boxes.

I have to wonder: will the boxes ever get emptied?

Throughout all of this, I've been moving really fast: physically and mentally. I compartmentalize the things in my mind. It has been a sort of defense mechanism, this go-go-go mentality, to help with the tremendous amount of change I have endured the past month and a half. For me, this was necessary.

However, I realized that this self-protection type of mentality has kept me from reflecting on all the changes in my life. I haven't really absorbed or savored them. This tunnel vision has kept me from connecting with God, too. I put Him on a shelf and I miss Him.

The great thing is knowing that He is there for me, waiting on me to come around. I am not alone and, because I believe that Jesus is my savior, I will never be alone again. There will always be someone to confide in. Someone to love me. When I begin to drift, He will inspire me and motivate me to embrace all of the blessings in my life.

Prayer: I'm sorry, God, for putting You on a shelf. I forgot that You are my Rock. I lost sight of you and I am aching to be with You again. To feel close to You. To be centered in You. Help me stay centered in Christ and continue discovering who I am in You.

Embracing Change - the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I have been searching for something new for a very long time. Be in a new place. Find my dream job. Embrace experiences that freak me out. I wanted:

 Change

There were months and months of searching, applying for jobs, interviews, prayer, moments of complete neurotic breakdowns, quiet reflection, tears and sleepless nights. Now, I am finally embarking upon a new:

 Journey

I am making an amazing career move and I am both excited and nervous. The organization that I will be working with has been serving children for over 100 years and I love their mission as well as their reputation around the country. I will be leading a team of professionals who are doing awesome work in the community and who are making a difference in children’s lives on a daily basis. I cannot wait to get there and practice:

 Creative Leadership

Since my new job is 100 miles from where I currently live, I will be moving. There are boxes in my living room (lots of them) and it looks like a tornado came through the bedroom. Usually, I cannot stand it when it is like this. I loathe clutter. It isn’t bothering me, though. I am focused on my new house, in my new neighborhood, in my new city. The chaos in my life is being overshadowed by a wonderful sense of:

 Peace

This journey has been long, stressful, exhausting and at times I felt as though I wouldn’t make it through. I became deflated on more occasions than I’d like to admit. Thankfully, my husband kept encouraging me to move forward. I have learned so much throughout this experience.

1. God is in control. For a control-freak, this was the most difficult lesson I learned. I had a plan and I put that plan into place. That was over a year ago. I finally realized that it was not God’s plan. Ah Ha moment. I had to learn how to let go and give everything to Him. This was not easy and it took me a while to fully understand how to do this. Things started clicking when I learned how to pray.
2. Pray authentically. A friend of mine offered some of the best advice I have ever received. When I mentioned to her that I felt guilty for praying for the perfect job when there were so many people in the world who desperately need work, she suggested that I open up to God about this. So, I did. I was driving to work and offered Him the most authentic prayer of my life. The very next day, I was presented with an interview. Within a couple of weeks, I had four different leads.
3. Have faith. The four leads turned into four interviews in a very short time. Suddenly, I was faced with having to make a decision between various job opportunities. I was so amazed at how God was showing me different paths that I just didn’t worry. I knew that He would show me which path to take. I prayed and I let go. I had faith in Him and His plan for my life.  
4. Be thankful. After I was offered my new job, I called my husband. I was sitting in my car in an elementary school parking lot. As soon as I hit the send key, I lost it. I cried so hard that I couldn’t talk. I was amazed at how God was working in my life. I was relieved to finally have been offered my dream job. I was so thankful that God presented me with such an amazing opportunity. He was listening. The tears were a release after so much searching and uncertainty. They were also tears of joy and thankfulness. It was one of the most cathartic experiences of my life.

 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we don’t see.

 Hebrews 11:1 

Everything is Going to be Okay

 

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

 

Isaiah 43: 2

 

 

 

 

Knowing that we are never alone is a very comforting truth. Happy Sunday. 



Ask. Seek. Knock

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

 

Matthew 7: 7

 



Dream Messages

Since God doesn't text or have a phone, I believe that He leaves us messages via dreams.  I've been having really vivid dreams lately - weird ones.  My dreams are like miniature movies - they're colorful, have a variety of characters, interesting plots and elicit many different emotions.

In the past few nights I have dreamt that:

• I owned a mountain lion as a pet and was concerned that buying steaks would start to get expensive.  I was feeding him steaks so he wouldn't eat my other pets.  I was really anxious in this dream because I was afraid that I couldn't protect my dog from being eaten by my mountain lion.
• Someone introduced me to a friend who she thought would make a good mentor.  When I met the guy, he told me that I had interviewed him months ago and never got back to him.  I couldn't remember who he was so he showed me a photo album.  It turns out, that he was friends with my dad when he was alive.  When I am stressed and overwhelmed, I become forgetful.  It's really bad when you forget things in your dreams. 
• My three friends from high school came to visit me for a holiday.  We hadn't seen each other in a while and I was really looking forward to it.  One of them felt guilty for spending the holiday with friends instead of family.  I encouraged her to do what she felt was right and I could tell she was conflicted.  I knew that she did not feel comfortable being at my house.  I knew that she needed to leave so I began helping her pack and then she shared this gem that still lingers in my thoughts:

"I'm changing being here." 

I am becoming a different person in my current situation.  I am not the same person I was four years ago or ten years ago.  Places and life circumstances change us.  They add layers of experience to our minds and spirits.  I believe that they will keep piling up until we take our last breath.  It's life.  It is forever changing as we are forever changing. 

Now, the questions I have been asking myself are:  "Am I changing for the better or for the worse?" and "Is being here (this place in my life) good for me?" 

If yes, awesome.  If not, I need to do something.  I need to re-focus and re-center myself in Christ.  When I do, He gives me the strength that I need to open myself to endless possibilities.

 

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

 

Psalm 143: 9

Reaching Out and Reaching Up

This is a really amazing song.

Waiting with Patience

I trust in God and I have been working on centering myself in Him. Not in the things I want or pursue. But in Him. I've come to realize that discernment isn't easy for me. I want to figure things out and know what God's plans are for me - usually on my time, not His. I read something by Joyce Meyer about God's timing and I found this statement to be both simple and enlightening:

"We prove that we trust God when we refuse to worry."

Waiting with Patience and Trusting in God

I've never read anything by Joyce Meyer before and her message really made me think. I have spent the last 36 years figuring out who I am. Myself as a woman, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a professional, a friend, a leader, an achiever and a believer. Now, it's time I start learning who I am in Christ. Maybe this is what God wants me to figure out while I am waiting on His timing.

If I weren't waiting and relaxing and trying to be patient I wouldn't have quiet in my life. The kind of quiet that is needed to reflect on these types of awakenings. It's actually pretty freeing to realize that you don't have to figure things out. You just have to be patient and trust in God completely.

Prayer: God, help me stay centered in You. I trust in You and I will wait as long as You want me to for Your plans to be revealed. Give me strength when I become weak and peace during times of uncertainty. Amen.  

My Life's Mantra

I've been struggling with understanding my purpose in life.  Really struggling.  I'm exhausted and I feel very deflated at times.  I have been praying to God that He help me figure things out.  I have faith in God, it's just that I don't always understand faith.  Recently, it was revealed to me on a Monday morning on my way to work and I now have a new mantra for my life.

White Caps on the Atlantic

I was driving to work, feeling tired and not looking forward to the start of my week.  I turned on the radio station and usually listen to hard rock stations.  I began flipping through various stations and came to one of the local Christian music stations.  I like Christian rock music sometimes but I don't listen to it regularly.  There wasn't music playing, though.  It was a sermon.  Usually, I just pass on by but something caught my interest and I began listening when the pastor asked, "Why do we struggle?" 

He explained that we struggle when we shift our hope in God to hope in something else.  That something else is usually some kind of outcome (i.e. a new job, a promotion, more money, etc.).  All of these somethings will always fail us.  Maybe not right away but, at some point, they will disappoint us.  We're never satisfied with things. 

We can be completely satisfied with God, though.  He is the only one who will never disappoint.  He is our one true rock.  Deep down inside, I know this.  Really I do.  I just don't know how to embrace this.  I declare that I am going to give things to God and wait for Him to show me the path He has in mind for me.  But, what does this really mean?  How do I do this?

This pastor on the radio began explaining how we center ourselves.  Center ourselves in Christ.  Okay.  I remember thinking that God was being very concrete at that moment.  Sort of like He knew that I was too overwhelmed for subtle hints.

I didn't plan on listening to this sermon on the radio.  I almost switched to a different station.  I am certain that God was speaking to me that day.  He was very clear.  I remember thanking Him for this because I just wasn't in the mood for subtlety that Monday morning.  I came away with a new mantra for my life:  stay centered.  How simple.  How beautiful.

*I'm participating in the 2013 A to Z Challenge. Every day in April (except for Sundays) I will be posting according to a letter of the Alphabet. To read more about my theme, click here.

Destination Heaven

Whatever is going on in our lives, whatever conflict or stress we may be dealing with, God provides us with answers.  Most are very simple.  They are healing gifts from above.  This is one of them.

Looking Upward

 

Moments like this remind me to open my eyes and re-focus my energy on Him.  No matter what is going on in my life, He is with me and I will never be alone.  There IS good in the world.  God has plans for me.

 

It is so easy to allow negativity to creep its way into my life.  Sometimes, it's difficult to understand things like homelessness, how drug abuse has affected almost every family I work with, why my grandpa can't remember who I am, whether or not I'm supposed to have a baby and why I continually struggle with knowing my life's purpose.

 

When I look at this photograph, I am reminded of my destination.  My purpose in life is to be the best woman I know how to be as my ultimate goal is to climb my way into Heaven.  To ascend into the place that is my home.  The place where I belong.  When we know our destination, we're free to enjoy the journey that much more.   

 

*I'm participating in the 2013 A to Z Challenge. Every day in April (except for Sundays) I will be posting according to a letter of the Alphabet. To read more about my theme, click here.

 



Awakenings

I'm intrigued by life's awakenings.  I consider awakenings to be "ah ha" moments.  Those times in our lives when we discover something about ourselves, why we behave the way we do, how old habits hold us back from moving forward or being successful, what we really want for ourselves. 



St. Augustine Lighthouse

I have these types of awakenings from time to time.  There were many during my graduate work - the title of my portfolio was "Awakenings and Reflections" which is where I came up with the name for this blog.  Or maybe it was the other way around.  I don't remember.  I just know that it is very important to me to always reflect on the various aspects of my life and, hopefully, discover new things about myself in the process. 

Though, not so many awakenings lately.  It's as if the busyness of life has devoured my capacity for self-discovery.  I reflect all the time.  While I'm cooking, watching a movie, trying to sleep, taking a shower - I'm always reflecting on my purpose in life and trying to figure out what God actually wants me to do. 

This has been one of my recent awakenings:  our plans are not always His.  I figured this out when my plans began failing.  As I was torturing myself about why things weren't happening the way I wanted them to, it occurred to me that maybe it was because they weren't meant to.  Ah ha moment.

What do I do now?  I am not really sure.  So, I just start praying.  I pray for guidance and for clarity.  I pray for strength while I continue to reach upward.  I pray that I see the signs God shows me and that I understand they are from Him.  Most of all, I pray for patience and the ability to transcend the busyness of life so that I can be more open to life's amazing awakenings.           


*I'm participating in the 2013 A to Z Challenge. Every day in April (except for Sundays) I will be posting according to a letter of the Alphabet. To read more about my theme, click here.

God, Be My Energy

Physically, I'm exhausted.  I have been feeling this way for quite a few days now.  I am awakening both mentally and emotionally, though.  This is good.  I just need my body to catch up.  This morning, as I got into my car and headed to work, a quick prayer passed through my lips: 

God, give me energy.  Actually, I mean please BE my energy. 

You see, I realized that I need Him to help me.  I can't do everything on my own.  Yes, I take two vitamin packets per day along with antioxidant supplements but they aren't enough.  I need His life force to be the energy that I am lacking.  I will wait for the strength He has planned for me.  Isn't it comforting knowing that we aren't alone?  That God has our backs?

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not grow faint.
Isaiah 40:31

 

 

Full of Life



 

Rising Above Storms

Even though a storm is threatening Florida, my home is peaceful.  I'm reminded that we have the power to find peace in any situation.  We just need to have faith and embrace our inner strengths.

I found this story at www.inspirationalstories.com: 

Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks?  The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come. When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages below, the eagle is soaring above it.  The eagle does not escape the storm. It simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

When the storms of life come upon us – and all of us will experience them – we can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief toward God. The storms do not have to overcome us. We can allow God’s power to lift us above them.

God enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure and disappointment in our lives. We can soar above the storm.  Remember, it is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them.

Spring Cleaning & Moving Forward

I love cleaning. It is cathartic, therapeutic and relaxing to me. I enjoy seeing progress being made in a relatively short amount of time. When I de-clutter my home and organize my things, I am also clearing my mind and rejuvenating my soul. The funk I've been in is lifting and, once I get over the cold I have had for a week, it will be smooth sailing.

The transformation of my mental and emotional state began when I acted on a recent decision to make a change in my life. Now, I feel like I'm moving forward and the combination of being proactive along with God's assistance has renewed my strength. I'm starting to feel alive again and more energized than I have felt in a long time. I am excited about my future and also embracing each moment more fully and thoughtfully.

I am positive that a change is near. I don't know when it will occur or what it will look like. I am not sure where I will end up or what the next year will entail. I am completely stoked about it. I love change. I love not knowing what is around the corner (especially when I am not alone).

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

- Psalm 143: 8 

God's Word

A few months ago I set off on a spiritual journey with the intention of reconnecting with God.  I knew that I wanted to do this but I didn't know how to start.  In high school, my eyes were opened one Sunday and I saw both hypocrisy and superficiality in the church that I had dedicated myself to.  I was heartbroken and I lost touch with the church as well as with God.   

Seventeen years later and I still do not attend church.  I have been to a few services recently but I don't feel any closer to God when I go to church.  For me, my relationship with God is between Him and I - I don't need the church to strengthen or foster it.  So, when I first decided to reconnect with God I was pretty confused.  Then, I remembered my old pink Bible and I began reading God's Word again.  I still do not fully grasp the history of the Bible but I do believe what I read.  I believe in the Bible because I have faith that it is a true account of God's Word.  I've been reflecting on the meaning of real faith.  I love this example in the book of Hebrews:

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance,

obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.  

Hebrews 11:8

I think this verse is so indicative of true faith.  In today's world, can you imagine someone saying that she is following God's path even thought she has no idea where she is going?  Most people would think someone like this was mentally unstable.  I think this verse explains the beauty, simplicity and strength of faith.  I want to be like Abraham.  I want to follow God even when I have no idea where I am going. 

When I read God's Word, I feel connected to Him.  I feel that He answers prayers, explains things I am confused about and guides me to do His will.  I have faith that God's Word is the flame that has ignited my relationship with him.   

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.  

Isaiah 40:8

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Mission of Nombre de Dios