Monday, December 24, 2012

Coffee Reflections

As I sit on my balcony, listening to the combination of waves crashing on shore and cars driving along A1A, I am completely immersing myself in a cup of coffee. I love coffee. It is such a simple pleasure and, when I take that first sip, I am thankful for life.

Take a Sip

My dog lays by my feet, breathing in the scents around him. It amazes me that he's been doing this for fifteen years. The sky looks painted. It is my own piece of art. I hear doves cooing and kids laughing along with the sound of the ocean. The ocean is loud today.

Sitting here, with my cup of coffee, I am very content. Six months ago, I was caught up in a self-created urgency to make a change in my life. To move. To do something new. The urgency has passed and I am filled with a feeling of peace. I'm not sure that I have ever felt this before. I think that I needed to be stressed out, angry, confused, disappointed and self-loathing. I needed to go through all of it so that I could be more in the present. All of the stress and anxiety had become a catalyst for renewal. I just didn't know it at the time.

Now, I am moving forward in my life in a completely different way. It isn't about a new city to live in or a different life. It is about being creative and utilizing my strengths in this life. I have found the freedom that I was craving in both myself and endless possibilities.

Morning Sun

Friday, December 14, 2012

I Don't Understand This

I don't understand the world we live in.  I'm deeply saddened, terrified, angry and confused.  I feel empty.  Why do things like this happen?  These were the first words I spoke to God when hearing about the shooting in Connecticut.  I've been pondering this all day long and I have come to the conclusion that I will never understand. 

Things like this are a jolt.  I felt my faith wobble.  I can't imagine how those parents feel.  How are they going to get through this?  I had no idea what to pray for this morning.  I was too angry. 

There are so many extremes in this world.  Last night, I attended a Christmas party that someone donated for the kids I work with.  It was a night filled with laughter, smiles, hugs, love and gratitude.  It was an amazing night.  It reminded me of the goodness in the world.

Then, I heard about the shooting and I am reminded of the evil that exists all around us.  I keep thinking about those children today.  Their fear and confusion.  Their screams for help.  I wish that I could have been there.  I wish that I could have saved them.  I picture myself as their catcher in the rye. 

No more innocence.  No more growing.  Childless parents.  Traumatized teachers.  This is almost too much to take.  While I cried on my way home from work, I finally prayed that God would wrap those affected by today's tragedy in His love.  Honestly, I don't know what else to pray for.

As I got out of my car, I heard my neighbors talking about the shooting.  This incident has affected everyone.  It amazes me that evil can bring us together just as goodness can.  This upsets me on a very deep level and I am devestated.

Prayer:  God, I don't understand this and I don't think I want to.  Please be with the families of those who lost loved ones.  Comfort the survivors as they struggle with this tragedy.  I know that you have welcomed those innocent children into heaven - remind their families that they are with You.  Help me stay true to my faith.  It faltered today.  Help others feel your presence and know that they are not alone.