Friday, December 14, 2012

I Don't Understand This

I don't understand the world we live in.  I'm deeply saddened, terrified, angry and confused.  I feel empty.  Why do things like this happen?  These were the first words I spoke to God when hearing about the shooting in Connecticut.  I've been pondering this all day long and I have come to the conclusion that I will never understand. 

Things like this are a jolt.  I felt my faith wobble.  I can't imagine how those parents feel.  How are they going to get through this?  I had no idea what to pray for this morning.  I was too angry. 

There are so many extremes in this world.  Last night, I attended a Christmas party that someone donated for the kids I work with.  It was a night filled with laughter, smiles, hugs, love and gratitude.  It was an amazing night.  It reminded me of the goodness in the world.

Then, I heard about the shooting and I am reminded of the evil that exists all around us.  I keep thinking about those children today.  Their fear and confusion.  Their screams for help.  I wish that I could have been there.  I wish that I could have saved them.  I picture myself as their catcher in the rye. 

No more innocence.  No more growing.  Childless parents.  Traumatized teachers.  This is almost too much to take.  While I cried on my way home from work, I finally prayed that God would wrap those affected by today's tragedy in His love.  Honestly, I don't know what else to pray for.

As I got out of my car, I heard my neighbors talking about the shooting.  This incident has affected everyone.  It amazes me that evil can bring us together just as goodness can.  This upsets me on a very deep level and I am devestated.

Prayer:  God, I don't understand this and I don't think I want to.  Please be with the families of those who lost loved ones.  Comfort the survivors as they struggle with this tragedy.  I know that you have welcomed those innocent children into heaven - remind their families that they are with You.  Help me stay true to my faith.  It faltered today.  Help others feel your presence and know that they are not alone.       


  1. I have felt so angry and hurt today about the children and their parents that it is hard to write anything coherent, but I am glad to have read what you wrote. I have also read several times your post from September and will read it again. You are a young woman and I am an old woman and yet we feel the same about so much. I too am trying to more clearly identify my core values because in the years I have left I want my energy to go towards them. I have known for several decades that my spiritual gift was faith. Today doesn't change that but I feel weakened and deeply disturbed.

    We also had to have our dear 15 year old dachshund put down this afternoon and somehow it hurts even more having been on the same day as this great tragedy. All I know for sure is that God does suffer with the parents who are going through this.

  2. I think you are asking why there is evil in the world. Why Columbine? Aschwitz? Slavery? The human heart is capable of great evil. God gives us free will, and we choose life, or death. Every choice we make takes us in one direction, or the other. God does not will that ANYONE suffers, but He will not take away our free choice. So, we must take care of one another, help the mentally ill, the lost, angry, etc. And when we make poor choices, God is there to bind up the wounds and assure us He loves us and he alone can heal.

  3. I needed to read this post today. Your prayer is mine as well.