Thursday, July 17, 2014

Mind Junk

I feel cluttered. I keep picturing that my mind is full of junk. Sort of like this:


In times like these, I think too much. Way too much. I think about discovering new places and traveling the country with my husband and writing every day and becoming my own boss. I wonder what it feels like to be so confident that I sing along with Tori Amos. The beautiful lyrics floating from my stomach to my heart, through my throat and onto my tongue.

I think about starting an LLC so that I am prepared for all of the entrepreneurship opportunities that are on my bucket list. I think about work. Not as much as I used to but I hope that I am making a difference. I am faced with many new challenges and quite a few of them are outside of my comfort zone. My leadership capacity is being tested and I'm finding that I have to make decisions in more direct and assertive ways than I ever have before. I surprise myself sometimes. Am I being direct or a bitch? I am unsure sometimes.

I stopped reading the bible and I have no idea why. I know that I need to start again but I haven't. I don't know why. Maybe it's the mind junk. I'm not sure but I am thinking that mind junk is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's an excuse. A rationalization. An out. A way to build a wall to keep me from myself.

Maybe.

Or, maybe the mind junk is a catalyst. A way to open myself to a an mysterious vulnerability that will at first break my heart and then restore it, little by little. Becoming new again. Becoming me again.

2 comments:

  1. I read my Bible less in the summer and I don't know why. But I do know that God is so right here with me always.

    People tell me all the time that I'm an over thinker. And it's not a compliment I'm sure. I think it is the curse of the creative mind.

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