You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all of my ways.
Psalm 139: 1-3
Psalm 139: 1-3
|Sitting in Sand|
I think that it is pretty awesome that God knows us so well and still loves us. He loves us despite our neuroses and our fears and our weaknesses. When I mess up, I know that He will not forsake me, that He will forgive me. He knows my deepest thoughts - even those thoughts that are so undefined that I can't voice them.
Here are a few things that God knows about me and, now, so do you:
- I am terrified of not being able to support myself when I grow old. This fear is almost paralyzing at times.
- Yesterday, I shot a 12-gauge shotgun for the first time. Only twice - that was enough. Everyone in those zombie apocalypse movies makes it look so easy. It wasn't. Shooting that gun scared me more than I imagined it would. I'm pretty disappointed in myself.
- I am completely conflicted about having a baby. One day I think that I'd love to and another day, I feel like maybe I'm not supposed to. I just don't know what to do and I feel like I'm running out of time.
- I blame working an exhausting full-time job for keeping me from finishing the writing and photography projects that I have going on. Though, the truth is that I am a procrastinator. Big time. I keep myself from those things that I don't accomplish and I totally hate this about myself.
- I turned 36 last week and I just do not feel like I am where a 36 year old woman should be. I do not have things figured out like I thought I would. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will.
*I'm participating in the 2013 A to Z Challenge. Every day in April (except for Sundays) I will be posting according to a letter of the Alphabet. To read more about my theme, click here.