Tomorrow, I need to have a difficult conversation with someone and I am nervous. I hate feeling anxious and I really do not want my stomach to be in knots for the next 14 hours. So, I am attempting to process through this feeling and figure out how I can be okay with what will occur tomorrow.
Will it help if I expect the worst? If I imagine crying, defensiveness, feelings of being attacked and worry about one's security then I won't be surprised if these emotions actually surface. This might be a negative way of thinking but it does put things into perspective for me. What if I was on the other side of the conversation? How would I want to be spoken to? I visualize this scenario because it helps me be as empathetic as I can be. Finding the balance between assertiveness and compassion is not easy but I know it is possible for it is a leadership quality that I truly admire. God, please help me embrace this quality tomorrow.
I feel like I need to keep my focus on why I will be confronting this person. I must engage in this conversation - I have no choice. If I don't provide those around me with honest feedback, how are they ever going to recognize both positive and negative behaviors? Tomorrow will be a time for me to be authentic and to voice my genuine concerns, as difficult as this may be. It isn't about me. It is about doing what is right. Doing what is right is not always the easy thing to do.
I'm reading the bible for the first time in probably a decade as I embark upon my new spiritual journey. I can't remember where, but I read a passage about not worrying. It doesn't accomplish anything. It won't help, it won't make things easier, it won't change the outcome. Deep breaths. Prayer. Believing that I am doing the right thing. This is what has already relieved some of my anxiety. Thank you to God and the blogosphere for being available for me to vent, reflect and process through my feelings.
Jaime's prayer: Dear, God - please help me find the words that will cultivate change. Relieve my anxiety so that I can be fully present, listen attentively and observe body language as well as emotions that are not given a voice. Give me strength while I provide feedback so that it is beneficial to the person I will be speaking with. Help me stay focused on the big picture. Thank you for giving me the ability to recognize when things aren't right, even if I do not have the answers. I truly appreciate Your presence, which is with me always. Amen.
Good luck with what you have to do tomorrow. I know that it is really tough, but there is a reason why you are doing what you are doing. Be strong and good luck.
ReplyDeleteI love this, Jaime. I am eager to hear how the conversation went, but it seems like you were walking into it from a fairly healthy place for yourself. I feel like, sometimes, that's all we can do -- be authentically us and grab hold of the opportunities God has put in front of us to be speakers of Truth, covering it all with grace and love. THAT is freedom.
ReplyDeleteHope it all went well and that some joy has replaced the fear.
Thank you for the kind and encouraging words Kristin and Murees. The conversation did go well. I had a few moments of nervousness that morning but then I found strength. My voice didn't shake, I spoke with authority and I just did what I had to do. Difficult things have been brought into the open and we have a plan to fix what is broken.
ReplyDeleteI went camping for three days beginning that evening. It was a great way to let all of the weekly stress go and re-focus on what really matters.