This morning, when I was walking Floyd, I prayed that God help me find balance and I asked Him to help me create a healthy perspective about work. I planned on being extra healthy this week - exercise every day, no alcohol or sugar, lots of writing, reading my Bible, practicing yoga twice per day - and then I got slammed at work today. It completely changed my outlook on this evening (I'm hoping not the entire week). I couldn't help having a beer while I cleaned out my car and I'll probably chill the rest of the night and have some wine. I'm totally burnt and I loathe the feeling of not being able to keep up at work. I only have so many hours in the week because I absolutely refuse to work over 45 hours. Maybe if I made $80,000 per year I could justify working over 50 hours per week. But I don't. Not even close. I keep moving time that I block to get things done on my calendar. I don't know where to move everything. I can't fit it all in.
How do you give 200% of yourself at work and still have time to exercise, cook a healthy meal, do the dishes and laundry, exercise, practice yoga, write and connect with your family on the same day? I don't even have kids. When I think of all the moms out there - whether they are working at a job or at home - I am filled with such appreciation. Being a woman is difficult, working is hard, finding balance is very challenging and sometimes, life is just plain crazy.
I've learned a lot of things through my life and also during my graduate studies. I haven't quite internalized the concept of balance, though. I don't want to be one of those women who spend all of their energy at work. I don't want to dream about work-related things or wake up with work on my mind. I want to enjoy life. Today, I did not do a good job. I did clean out my car and I am writing this blog - I guess that is something. Tomorrow is a new day and I will start over.